Christina, mother of spiders

He leaned so close he could feel her eyelash trembling upon his cheek. It was a moment of pure transcendence. Then, she whispered something he couldn’t quite make out.
“Conjunctivitis,” she repeated.

I feel this. I still have my Mastodon acct as a last resort.

Can't be worse that what's going on.

(Another) One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

@nytimes.com #reinstitutionalization
www.nytimes.com/2026/03/11/u...

I've decided to pronounce Pedophiles like the name of a Greek philosopher so certain people don't realize im talking about their dear leader.

Retail politics gets you re-elected for 800 terms. Clearing snow, filling potholes, towing dead cars, cheaper public trans, photo bombing and glad-handing normies and taxpayers, that's the juice. Even at scale in a place like NYC.

This will not make it easier to cope with the horrors of the world.

a woman in a blue shirt is drinking from a white cup . ALT: a woman in a blue shirt is drinking from a white cup .

Funny, sad, and true!

LOL

Did Marco go into his dad's closet and try on his shoes?

An administration of misfits who don't fit into their shoes.

LEFT: Marco Rubio RIGHT: Donald Trump (with lifts)

It's international women's day so if I've ever made you laugh you owe me an international woman

Me: *sits down with a cup of coffee and a cookie*

My wife: Is that a cookie?

Me: Yes, would you like one?

My wife: No. No, just... describe the cookie.

Me: Um, it's a Thin Mint, slightly stale so I will be dunking it in coffee...

My wife: *moaning softly*

Me: Is... is this what we do now?

My husband and I have a very sophisticated system for deciding who handles the “scary noise” downstairs. It’s called “who can fake being asleep the fastest.”

SHAKESPEARE: i need a cool name for the 15th of march

SCRIBE: i have an ides

SHAKESPEARE: ooh ides thats good

SCRIBE: *idea

SCRIBE:

SCRIBE: oh wait no yeah ides

A broom leans against a wall in a doorway.

There’s nothing like coming home from a long, hard day at work, and finding your mother-in-law’s vehicle parked outside.

The Massage That Nearly Finished Me YouTube video by Josh Johnson

Share this so more people can see it Friends. New stand up out in 3 hours on YouTube youtu.be/-P8--AN_bn8?...

One of my favourites. Even though I still think I should have got the job

All the videos of my son from when he was a toddler look like shaky, found footage reels of people chasing cryptids.

I think my sleep paralysis demon is mad at me. It keeps covering up my temperature regulating foot and making me too warm.

Judith Light's evil twin is Judith Dark. We know she's evil because of the goatee.

I dunno, living behind a brick wall in somebody's basement sounds kind of relaxing.

U.S. government has lost more than 10,000 STEM Ph.D.s since Trump took office A Science analysis reveals how many were fired, retired, or quit across 14 agencies

The U.S. government has lost more than 10,000 STEM Ph.D.s since Trump took office.

A Science analysis reveals how many were fired, retired, or quit across 14 agencies. Read more: https://scim.ag/4boPkq8

Yesterday I filmed several baby birds walking across a street directly at my camera and asked Bluesky to suggest music

Several dozen folks did

Some even dubbed music over the original clip.

I haven't been able to get this out of my head.

So I give you

A Bluesky exclusive:

Reservoir Ducks

🐣 🪶

Saturn without its rings asking everything what it really thinks about Saturn and you still pretend to laugh at all my witty gazes in the planetarium

i used ai to train my dogs and they formed a military junta

don’t want to get too kooky here but how about we elect not evil people

A parking space outlined with a painted white dotted line and labeled "DRUG DEALERS ONLY."

Detective Wile E. Coyote puts down the paintbrush and smiles.