rufus

USDA official: you don’t qualify for food stamps

me: oh, snap

USDA official: you can’t get SNAP, either

me: what

the heart is a lumpy lopsided fist of a muscle yet I have resisted the urge to hit you with it you're welcome

wife just now

what's so different about driving a tesla?

i left the room 🤣

we can do it

i for one have an interest in this

mi soon come

Hey, hit me up for some cash says no one.

feel that
hi ash 🤗

THEM: omg they look just like you

ME: did you just call my baby ugly

my bsky style

type a skeet, cut
paste in search
see nuthin
post
L

i do like to get this party jumpin

Libras are such a grift, I gotta say

we rule, ok judge

at 18's ski team banquet
pizza was meh
vibes are good

wtf? not today 😔

drove over donner summit this past weekend

pathetic

I miss 1993

a football that can plug into the wall

sorry son i can’t play catch rn the ball is charging

nice

i would hope so

our old one is falling apart so looking at what's new

dig that fire pit
do you like it?

love seeing others getting job offers on the timeline

gives me hope

Oh that prescription you take rectally. <evil grin>

Unread all the words that ever were until we are all once again just primordial muck.

olive oyl: popeye, help!!

crude oil: stfu, ya skank

[annnnnnd, send 👻]

if you open up your mind
(see whats inside)

Yes!

cleaning my vacuum cleaner, thereby becoming a vacuum cleaner. in this essay i

is daylight ever gonna learn to save itself or is it just gonna continue to be a damsel in distress every year?

Have the kind of sex where you have to buy a new house.