Ppallo

"I'm doing a finger dance that was popular among the mercenaries of the Old Swiss Confederacy" sure you are duder.

Those "cute" stories of some little town somewhere electing an animal mayor have a dark side. I have lost seven elections in my life to varied fauna, in four localities, and on two continents. My stunning, cold, striver wife left me for a state senator after that Albanian duck won the recount.

I like Gaius a lot. It's genuinely inspiring to see someone who has been around for so long, still get excited about stuff. I will say it's crazy he still struggles with quickly knowing which is left and which is right. It's like take a couple decades off, and figure it out brother.

Whenever my vampire friend Gaius describes a snack as "devilishly moreish" I get excited, but then I realise he probably just means it comes from the Maghreb.

Don't fucking walk away from me, I'm trying to build rapport.

But like folk singer-songwriters don't have exclusive rights to album covers that are sepia toned photos of themselves in a cityscape? My album of 1.5/5 rhymes, described as highly derivative (that means similar to) and diluted version of early Czarface, can have a nice photo on the cover as well.

Much of the failure of 2015 album "Constraints on my Time", the cover of which featured me walking on a street in autumnal Prague while wearing a wool overcoat, was pinned on the fact that that cover was not in-line with the music, pop culture inspired rap over boom bap beats.

Acquaintances of mine like to hang out at my offices hoping to catch a glimpse of my secretary Araminta "Minty" Fresh. Minty loves to have people guess how old she is, and why not, she looks great at 67. She drives a Lotus Seven and receives flowers from Michael Douglas on all major holidays.

There's a reason they keep track of offensive rebounds in basketball? No shame in my game hitting the boards. And to the woman at the front desk, when you don't see excellence you will see solid fundamentals.

I don't mind my girlfriend making fun of me for snacking on something called "Alpha Athlete Kibble". I'm not even that bothered by her sometimes ringing a little bell around the time I have a snack break, but I draw the line at her filming it. I'm not "content", I'm an amateur sportsman.

I made it all the way to the show, but had to quit baseball because one of my teammates had like seven kids and was obsessed with his ironman streak. The fifth time I caught a stomach bug from him in one year, I was like I'll just get an email job in the Nordics.

Ever since they put a pig heart in me people have been very cavalier in attributing my behaviour to the heart. I am enjoying bigger breakfast after a light dinner last night, not "giving into the pig".

An old tweet from twitter user Ppallo. Part of a series of two, so included as a screenshot. It's about how I accidentally joined a supervillain society, and about my wife cheating on me. All in good fun. I hope the wind blows your way today. That's not the tweet, that was more of a good wish to end the Alt text. I realise that could be confusing. Apologies

Second part of a tweet, quoting the first one in the series. It's lists who were in the supervillain gang with me. I like the Lady Hog / Hog-Lady bit here.

I exchanged my claim for a fortnight in Prague, and two bespoke suits. So all I have to say is I hope they copy it right. Though the sworn legal eagles of cosmopolitan brokers of bon mots and witticisms may differ in their approach.

In 2006 I came up with the phrase "all the world's a stage and I suffer from stage fright". I sold it to a phrase broker for about ten thousand dollars. A tidy sum, but a bargain nonetheless. They've been careful about using it, letting it accrue value in storage.

In 2006 I came up with the phrase "all the world's a stage and I suffer from stage fright". I sold it to a phrase broker for about ten thousand dollars. A tidy sum, but a bargain nonetheless. They've been careful about using it, letting it accrue value in storage.

110 pound female singer becomes internet darling for a week by absolutely demolishing each beer with no facial reactions. DJ and guy who says he's own name out loud DJ Khaled is lightly mocked for quitting after one beer saying "it's too cold, too acidic, not another one".

know that show hot ones. Well how about a show called cold ones, where there's a series of beers each one colder than the last. And the very last one is an ultra cold beer that only a few of the guests are brave enough to try

That sucks. Hope you feel better soon!

Wixard

New neighbours are giving some of us a tour and we have fucking decided to camp out at the demonic shrine, we've been here for like twenty minutes. Everyone has stupid questions, they're worried about the kids. I can literally see these guys have a Weber Summit! Let's keep it going!

You know it's wild how many people claim to not be religious or believe in magic yet are believers in nominative determinism. My colleague Ally Jansson is one of the more openly homophobic people I know and is given chance after chance. While Bigot Larsson the IV has to always prove himself.

I immediately knew you were a reiki master the moment we shook hands. Care to manipulate my energy field or shall we get straight to business?

Sometimes when I get up to speak at a funeral, and start with "The family has asked me to say a few words", members of the family will yell and say that's not true. And it's like buddy, I go to a lot of funerals, a ton, and heckling is super inappropriate funeral behaviour.

*"Guy just calling balls and strikes" voice* Don't know. Don't know. Probably a ball. Don't know.

I'm sure this is how WWII veterans felt about punk music, but the aesthetics of streaming are just terrible. Someone walking through a weirdly empty room in a barren new build to sit down at an awful plasticky gaming chair. Disgusting.

Think you found a hole in my logic? Congrats kiddo, you just pointed out essential ventilation.

"...I'm simply not a fan of the cars are real state."

"Carceral."

"See I'm going to have to disagree with you there."

YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL, BUDDY

"I am a bit of a private contractor myself, you'll never catch me using an apostrophe in public!"

My wife's South African mercenary ex with eyes like a barren icy waste: "I do not understand what she sees in you."