not now kitten, daddy is writing a 1,000 word response to someone on Facebook about capitalism
11.03.2026 22:32
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not now kitten, daddy is writing a 1,000 word response to someone on Facebook about capitalism
I'm a prison abolitionist but I do think every city should have one small prison which is just for people who don't use headphones on public transportation
this seems like a good time to remind you that Slay the Spire 2 is in early access as of today
I've been to hundreds of metal concerts and I can count on one hand the number of times someone didn't unleash a chemical weapon from their ass that permeates the entire venue
as a straight man, the highest compliment I can receive is a lesbian stranger vocally approving my fit with no prompting
and then for her to offer to buy my drink?
my ego may never recover
do not honk
do not honk
damn, good for him
broke: gay agenda
woke: man date mandate
it's exhausting having to constantly remind my coworkers that I was hired to make jokes and bring good vibes, not "respond to their emails" or "review my performance improvement plan"
I just got stopped on the street by a woman who was so enamored with my outfit that she asked to take a picture to help her boyfriend dress better for Valentine's Day
I will be insufferably pleased with myself about this interaction for at least the next week, maybe forever
me eating one vegetable today after having nothing but fried food, pizza, and alcohol for four days straight
you're telling me this mission is trans? well sign me the fuck up
I will only be impotently whinging on trains but thank you
I'm admittedly only at a sample size of two but I need my content on TikTok to stop doing well so that I can justify not using TikTok, I just want to post 800 word think pieces but APPARENTLY no one wants to read my treatise on campaign finance reform
oh you practice self care? name three ways you love yourself
if canada dry is so good then where's the america wet
I have a new haircut for the first time in 15 years and I genuinely feel like an entirely new person, it rocks
she sporting on my goods 'til I dick
based on the visceral reaction of the room upon its unwrapping, I have determined the peak white elephant gift is a 12 pack of zero sugar monster energy drinks
"no bitches? simple, go visit pagliussy"
"but doctor..."
they said it was impossible
they said it couldn't be done
that a man with such scrambled brains could never accomplish such a feat
but here I am, standing atop the mountain, victorious
(I logged a task in Asana for the first time)
I may have just had the worst/greatest marketing idea of all time
god forbid the guy with all the mojo drop a fraction of it, why do 1% of dudes have 99% of the mojo, it's not fair
how it feels to be a Pepsi drinker surrounded by Coke heads
me going for the last slice of pizza and making sure no one else wanted it
haha what a funny joke, I wonder what the clip actually says
...oh
she's very similar to Albert Einstein, actually, in that neither of them are currently registering much brain activity
"you look like you lift" thanks it's a load-bearing part of my personality
