"And when I water the roses
I can’t trust you to stay
So here I lay
Neath the shimmering moon
Just a love-struck fool
What do I do but wait for you?"

Dont worry about me, if you didn't before dont start now. I'll be fine as always. I'll get over it. Just another domino to stuff away into my bottomless hat of evergrowing *thoughts* that i hate thinking.

(cw: sui*ide mention) digging the pit more. Ive had to remove any and all medication from my room cause there's nights i think about just downing the whole damn bottle but it feels selfish to find some easy way out. Idfk anymore and i honestly can't be assed to figure it out.

Like i feel so damn alienated from my friends, groups that share my interests, and just anywhere else and yet i dont fucking learn !! i dont learn to stop trying !!! i keep trying !!! this i the lowest ive been mentally in my life, and any attempt to do something about it always winds up

Literal negative effect on my psyche, and that's of no consequence to those involved or the one running the meet everyone there is super lovely but damn does it hurt feeling like even more of a nobody. Oh fucking well i guess

swapping to this acct to continue this thought but i'll keep it 100% real with you being one of a few people who are at a meet for the first time and having everyone else new pointed out and given a formal welcome except you makes me wanna fucking stop talking to everyone again.

just another thing to add to the bucket of "things that cement me thinking im so severely alienated from every group im in"

am i glad my friends are finally giving WoW a shot? yeah im ecstatic.

tho i will be entirely candid i does really really sting that me talking about it when i was playing it did absolutely fuck all for getting them intrigued

oh well. lmao.

Dont get me wrong ive also had times where the first thought i have is "omg i have to get something from x" but its usually cause i really enjoy their style and i wanna support them, but i generally always see others say it in a "i want to comm them because its a popular style" way and it irks me

"I could live to be a hurricane, Turn into a tempest, violent, silent in the eye, All whirling, gusting, wuthering"

my brain always disconnects from art convos when people start saying "omg i finally got a slot from x"

Like.. i get that you really wanted smut from them but it feels a lot of people are just getting art to get it and not because it lets them support an artist.. idk maybe im weird

Wow! Who knew that not pushing all my energy into friendships that make my effort entirely one sided, and instead enjoying mutual efforts of building a bond, would make me feel better!!!

*nap early in the day asd;vlansdl;va

i took a nap early in the nap cause i was feeling sad and wound up sleeping for 12 hours lmao

oh i should do a pin i guess uhhh lmaooo-

this is the void where i scream my internal thoughts
i can, and will, use the block feature liberally on this acct
if you think something i complain about is about you poke me about before you think im vagueposting about you pls thanks

a sfw and an AD, and its cause i know i would prefer to keep being in their spaces on social media, while not making them forced to occasional see the HORRORS that i conjure up on my timeline

also side thing i remember back when i actually genuinely cared and worried about my friends finding out about the stuff im into but now that im older ive genuinely stopped caring. I doubt they'd judge me for anything nor would it ever be something I shove in their faces. There's a reason i made

lmao despite how charismatic people make me out to be i still genuinely feel like when there's spaces i actually wanna fit into I stand out like a fucking sore thumb no matter what i do haha 🫠