Kristi Yamaguccimane

“Hi, I’m Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to the Strait of Hormuz.”

“Hi, I’m Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to the Strait of Hormuz.”

Learnt some Skynyrd at practice tonight

I’m developing an Ai chatbot that only calls you “Big Dawg.” He’ll convincingly seem interested in how your fantasy lineup did this week and analyze your communications with other chatbots to talk you out of strapping a bomb to your neighbor’s Pomeranian in order to “ascend.”

James Earl Jones. Come on, you know I know who this is. The real question is how many people are gonna reply with ‘this isn’t…’ or ‘is this AI?’ or ‘I’m calling the police’. Ok maybe not that last one, but anyway, thanks for checking out this ALT text, it’s really good that we can be considerate and at the same time have some fun!

Born on this day: James Earl Ray (1928–1998) was an American fugitive who pleaded guilty to assassinating Martin Luther King Jr. in 1968. Captured in London after fleeing the U.S. he later recanted, spending decades pursuing failed appeals until his death in prison

Me, watching Gorillaz on SNL, remembering when that song came out 25 years ago:

Ayy baby ya know I got that uhh, that Pierogi’s disease? The one that makes your dick curve up? Lemme talk to ya

I’m no expert but I’m pretty sure this is how you get 9/11: the sequel

I’m no expert but I’m pretty sure this is how you get 9/11: the sequel

Possibly the most handsome man of all time. Unreal chad.

All I know is the absolute worst people America has to offer have wanted war with Iran as long as I’ve been alive so it’s pretty easy for me to be against it.

unusual whales © @unusual_whales• 3h There are only 1.6 job openings per 100 employees in white-collar service roles, the lowest level since 2015, per Bloomberg.

The fake email job pyramid scheme is collapsing. America’s empire will run solely on the backs of Cracker Barrel waitresses, Twitch streamers, DoorDash drivers and solar panel companies that will be out of business in 8 months.

Me to Paul Newman’s family at the funeral: may his memory be a dressing

Life is what happens between successful bowel movements.

My husband in his group chat:

Me to Paul Newman’s family at the funeral: may his memory be a dressing

I got 49 grams today nbd 💅

i regret to inform everyone that i’ve lost THIRTY pounds and fixed my blood thanks to encouragement from the fiber daddy

I shit you not (pun very much intended)… the positive impact of fiber on cholesterol is what got my stepdad off the carnivore diet and the cardiologist off his back.

Regularity mogging

Inspired by @kavehmd.bsky.social

Go follow

Meat slop is out. We’re fiber-maxxing now We’re getting grainpilled. We’re not mewing protein, we’re chewing bran. Three squares a day straight from the heartland. Got blood work done last week and my bad cholesterol it in half.

When you’re as big a loudmouth as I am and look as mean as I do people don’t fuck with you. I work at a car dealership with mechanics and body shop guys. They don’t say shit.

Ok unironically I’ve lost 20 lbs and say it’s because I’m fibermaxing 🤪

every morning at dawn I am born as a human infant from a perfect American cow and spend three hours drinking its milk; by midday I am grown again, and every night I die.

Meat slop is out. We’re fiber-maxxing now We’re getting grainpilled. We’re not mewing protein, we’re chewing bran. Three squares a day straight from the heartland. Got blood work done last week and my bad cholesterol it in half.

Every war time slop account on social media right now:

🚨BREAKING: US MILITARY RELEASES COCKPIT FOOTAGE OF AMERICAN FORCES DOWNING MULTIPLE IRANIAN FIGHTER JETS🚨

PENTAGOON LEAKS