LC von Hessen ๐“†™ ๐Ÿ’€'s Avatar

LC von Hessen ๐“†™ ๐Ÿ’€

@lcvonhessen

Writer of horror, weird fiction, and assorted unpleasantness. Performer/artist/creep. History nerd. Cat person. They/them. ๐Ÿ”ž Anti-genAI. lcvonhessen[at]gmail[dot]com

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Latest posts by LC von Hessen ๐“†™ ๐Ÿ’€ @lcvonhessen

And completely jettisoning cultural, historical, or sociological factors for why such-and-such stereotype exists. E.g. there's an evo psych claim that women are innately drawn to the color pink because it helped them forage for berries in Caveman Days (yes, really)

12.03.2026 20:59 ๐Ÿ‘ 3 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

This is also your reminder that anyone who's big into evo psych is guaranteed to have utter dogshit opinions about race, gender, and sexuality: which, of course, is not bigotry if it's Just Scienceยฎ๏ธ

12.03.2026 20:34 ๐Ÿ‘ 8 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 2 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

"Frisson of transgression" FFS just get really into Charles Manson or noise tapes with xeroxed photos of bondage porn on the cover like a normal edgelord

12.03.2026 20:26 ๐Ÿ‘ 15 ๐Ÿ” 2 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0
An orange tabby cat is sitting on your chest with his head very close to yours

An orange tabby cat is sitting on your chest with his head very close to yours

At least sweet Monty is curled up with me right now and giving me his gentle, quiet purr.

12.03.2026 18:58 ๐Ÿ‘ 4 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Love to get a headache from checking my bank balance. That's really gonna help my productivity

12.03.2026 18:13 ๐Ÿ‘ 4 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

I guess my big project over the next couple of days will be finishing a paid story review essay I've been putting off because yesterday's vet visit left me flat broke AGAIN and I genuinely need the ๐Ÿ’ฐ. Praying Monty's bloodwork results are benign because I can't keep living like this

12.03.2026 18:06 ๐Ÿ‘ 6 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0
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Weird picture for toady, an 18th century mezzotint of some lovely dissected heads.
#MorbidMarch #horror #artsky

12.03.2026 16:13 ๐Ÿ‘ 25 ๐Ÿ” 7 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 2
Video thumbnail

POV: you live with a beautiful girl kitten who loves you. Sound UP for a solid minute of purrs!

12.03.2026 15:37 ๐Ÿ‘ 10 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

When did your obsession with hot toxic women begin?

12.03.2026 13:17 ๐Ÿ‘ 9 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Okay, I have Thoughtsโ„ข๏ธ. Will report back later

12.03.2026 02:55 ๐Ÿ‘ 5 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Currently seated in my neighborhood theatre. In about ten minutes it's gonna be Bride Time ๐ŸงŸโ€โ™€๏ธ

12.03.2026 00:04 ๐Ÿ‘ 9 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

UPDATE: He actually didn't get an echo today since I'd apparently misheard when scheduling the appointment (just that he "needed one"). He did get $$$ bloodwork though, so it probably cost about the same ๐Ÿ™ƒ I'm waiting to hear back about the results to figure out what's wrong with Monty's front claws

11.03.2026 13:22 ๐Ÿ‘ 2 ๐Ÿ” 1 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

"The Calvinist Drinking Game"

The drinks are placed on the table. Nobody takes one but everyone looks sternly at one another.

The player who enjoyed themselves the least wins.

11.03.2026 13:22 ๐Ÿ‘ 13 ๐Ÿ” 2 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

UPDATE: He actually didn't get an echo today since I'd apparently misheard when scheduling the appointment (just that he "needed one"). He did get $$$ bloodwork though, so it probably cost about the same ๐Ÿ™ƒ I'm waiting to hear back about the results to figure out what's wrong with Monty's front claws

11.03.2026 13:22 ๐Ÿ‘ 2 ๐Ÿ” 1 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

There's currently a cat in the vet's waiting room named Gummo!

11.03.2026 12:54 ๐Ÿ‘ 3 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0
The Bookmark Shoppe presents: a book launch with Eddie McNamara for Zodiactually: The Real Story of a Fake Serial Killer

The Bookmark Shoppe presents: a book launch with Eddie McNamara for Zodiactually: The Real Story of a Fake Serial Killer

Author Eddie McNamara reading from his book Zodiactually in the children's section of an indie bookstore as patrons look on

Author Eddie McNamara reading from his book Zodiactually in the children's section of an indie bookstore as patrons look on

Me giving skeptical side eye to the stock Zodiac Killer photo on the cover of Zodiactually, which is about skepticism regarding a lot of popular Zodiac Killer beliefs

Me giving skeptical side eye to the stock Zodiac Killer photo on the cover of Zodiactually, which is about skepticism regarding a lot of popular Zodiac Killer beliefs

Went to my neighborhood bookstore last week for a reading/Q&A from the new Feral House true crime book about the Zodiac Killer (which I've just finished reading today and can recommend). It was oddly well-attended for a Tuesday night indie bookshop event on a rainy evening down in Bay Ridge!

10.03.2026 19:34 ๐Ÿ‘ 5 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0
A handsome orange cat is curled up in my lap with eyes closed in a happy expression

A handsome orange cat is curled up in my lap with eyes closed in a happy expression

This fancy lad here is getting an old-man check-up tomorrow (including an echocardiogram ๐Ÿ˜ฌ). Wish him luck!

10.03.2026 14:36 ๐Ÿ‘ 22 ๐Ÿ” 1 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 1

TBH I'm mostly concerned that for the past month or so, he's been overly grooming his front paws to the extent that they have little bald patches ๐Ÿ˜ž I've never known him to stress-groom so I wonder if he has some sort of toenail fungus. Poor guy

10.03.2026 15:05 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Fingers crossed it won't completely drain my bank account ๐Ÿคž๐Ÿคž๐Ÿคž If all goes well this will be my last vet visit for awhile, at least until Dexter gets snipped (which I'm holding off for a couple of months to help my finances recover)

10.03.2026 14:45 ๐Ÿ‘ 4 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0
A handsome orange cat is curled up in my lap with eyes closed in a happy expression

A handsome orange cat is curled up in my lap with eyes closed in a happy expression

This fancy lad here is getting an old-man check-up tomorrow (including an echocardiogram ๐Ÿ˜ฌ). Wish him luck!

10.03.2026 14:36 ๐Ÿ‘ 22 ๐Ÿ” 1 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 1

This reminds me of the time one of my grade school teachers was standing before the class making a McGruff the Crime Dog puppet lip-sync to some anti-drug cassette tape and one of McGruff's shoes was visibly loose on his cloth foot. I was transfixed by that shoe. I actively hoped it would fall off

09.03.2026 19:21 ๐Ÿ‘ 8 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0
small slate gravestones with a cross and IHS above a busty winged effigy
epitaph:
James Slaven
son of Patrick and Ann Slaven, died May 4, 1833, aged 19 month

small slate gravestones with a cross and IHS above a busty winged effigy epitaph: James Slaven son of Patrick and Ann Slaven, died May 4, 1833, aged 19 month

detail of the same stone, focused on the angel with melon-sized boobs

detail of the same stone, focused on the angel with melon-sized boobs

Crosses were not a common motif on New England gravestones before the 19th century, when Catholic immigrants brought their cross-iconography traditions to NE graveyards.

Big, luscious boobs, however, were actually a very common symbol on 18th-century gravestones โ€” a metaphor for the two testaments.

10.09.2024 14:12 ๐Ÿ‘ 209 ๐Ÿ” 56 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 11 ๐Ÿ“Œ 13

Just saw the kittens huddled together in my bedroom intently watching something on the floor. Turns out it was a bug, which my sweet murder baby Dexter caught with a paw and ate. (Monty is a good mouser but is largely indifferent to bugs.) Good boy, Dexy! ๐Ÿซ€

09.03.2026 05:28 ๐Ÿ‘ 24 ๐Ÿ” 2 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 2 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Note that those two have definitely hunted bugs before. But I think this was the first time I'd seen Dexter eat one

09.03.2026 15:19 ๐Ÿ‘ 3 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Just saw the kittens huddled together in my bedroom intently watching something on the floor. Turns out it was a bug, which my sweet murder baby Dexter caught with a paw and ate. (Monty is a good mouser but is largely indifferent to bugs.) Good boy, Dexy! ๐Ÿซ€

09.03.2026 05:28 ๐Ÿ‘ 24 ๐Ÿ” 2 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 2 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

YOU - โ€ฆI don't want to masturbate on the street, okay?

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Whatever, coward.

09.03.2026 00:49 ๐Ÿ‘ 183 ๐Ÿ” 61 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0
Seed of Chucky-brand condom wrappers with "GET A LOAD OF CHUCKY" printed on the back and what appears to be a stress squeeze toy in the shape of a giant sperm

Seed of Chucky-brand condom wrappers with "GET A LOAD OF CHUCKY" printed on the back and what appears to be a stress squeeze toy in the shape of a giant sperm

Apparently this is real Seed of Chucky promo swag from 2004!

I would happily bang Human Charles Lee Ray. The supernaturally possessed doll version, not so much . . .

07.03.2026 16:25 ๐Ÿ‘ 6 ๐Ÿ” 1 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0
Seed of Chucky-brand condom wrappers with "GET A LOAD OF CHUCKY" printed on the back and what appears to be a stress squeeze toy in the shape of a giant sperm

Seed of Chucky-brand condom wrappers with "GET A LOAD OF CHUCKY" printed on the back and what appears to be a stress squeeze toy in the shape of a giant sperm

Apparently this is real Seed of Chucky promo swag from 2004!

I would happily bang Human Charles Lee Ray. The supernaturally possessed doll version, not so much . . .

07.03.2026 16:25 ๐Ÿ‘ 6 ๐Ÿ” 1 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Somehow it's extremely fitting that they look like those nonprescription hipster glasses that were ubiquitous in the 2010s

07.03.2026 02:46 ๐Ÿ‘ 10 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

A lot of people think โ€œsurely nobody wants to fuck someone they think is subhuman,โ€ and these people need to be taught about the concept of heterosexual men.

06.03.2026 03:13 ๐Ÿ‘ 292 ๐Ÿ” 78 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0