Fart Reviews

Don't cry because I farted, smile because you smelled it

I'm really the Simon Cowell of the craft of farting. Perhaps, at times, the Randy Jackson. But NEVER the Paula Abdul.

I'm really the Roger Ebert of farts unfortunately. He actually hated movies and was forced to watch them by means of some sort of clockwork orange machine.
I do not want to be in the clockwork orange machine for farts. But them's the breaks.

New Zealand farts don't count sorry too shrill

Any farts today just checking

You may have noticed I've posted no new fart reviews lately. There have simply been no farts this season that could manage even a passing glance from me. An issue perpetually inflating -- blockbuster farts passed & forgotten in hot summer air. Tired regurgitations of yesteryear's flatulations.

PLEASE use earbuds when listening to your fart compilations in the con space!!!

Me when im in a hurry and my boss needs me to review the new fart that just hit the presses

if i had a full suit of armor i would fart in it

I hate to say it but this one's a certified fart post ✅️

Big if true

Are you aware of such a technology? The implications for statecraft and espionage are limitless

These were actually the exact interview questions I went through to get this job as a fart reviewer

How strange to see the whole premise of my fart reviews project reduced like a thick demi-glace down to one Jensen Ackles meme. This reviewer is stunned.

Oh

I talk about it all the time but the legacy media ignores me

Yeah I'm in the trenches alright

The last one works but the rest insist upon themselves a bit too much. Sometimes they resonate better when you dont push em out

I wish I were a bot. I hate my job but my 401k isnt vested yet and i got kids to feed

Look this is my job I have to pay my mortgage somehow ok how about a little solidarity with the proletariat

the next generation of fart inflation furries is already on it's way

Im just going to stand there but i appreciate the offer

Oh why

Yeah print this out and fart on it and then we will see

Certified fart post ✅️ Modern Stinklish

I’ll stop the world and fart with you

The fart-on-paper medium is saturated and most techniques in the genre are already well-trodden. We've seen the rorschach shart and the stinky newspaper over and over again. I am unconvinced you or anyone else can make paper fart art that is not stale and pedestrian.

The fart-on-paper medium is saturated and most techniques in the genre are already well-trodden. We've seen the rorschach shart and the stinky newspaper over and over again. I am unconvinced you or anyone else can make paper fart art that is not stale and pedestrian.

See the world would be a better place if more folks wrote treatises about farts on substack

A candid, unpretentious bubblegum palate & pop art sensibility betrays a mystery for this reviewer: why are so many farters in media distressed at their imminent flatulence? Our subject stares assward in apprehension - perhaps acknowledging the presence of the viewer a la Velasquez' Las Meninas?