Her

so fucking tired always

all that's left is to keep going. because i dont have any alternative but that or letting go completely and finally resting

i'm just locked into this course at this point in my life. no capacity to alter it without ending up homeless or worse again.

health just keeps getting worse and i can barely hold myself together for work so i can keep the bills from piling up.

too old. too broke. too tired and too injured. no resources or time, barely keeping my head above water.
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i sacrificed over half my life to nothing. all thats left is the downhill slide

ok but what if there was just no more me?

this is going to be the year. certain of it

and i understood

someone who could easily overpower me, and was about to send me to the hospital via curbstomp, faced with a deep innate reaction to something they didn't know was in them. immediately and visibly filled with intense revulsion & fear at the thought of being eaten, even a little. just one bite

i remember the first time, i was only 6 or 7. it was in self defense but i remember the sudden shift in power. absolutely instant, like lightning.

van sleep night?

not scenic but at least its quiet out here

fuck you

fuck tonight. putting that section of dryer hose from the pipe right back into the van window going to find somewhere scenic to park

cant exist anywhere. just exist somewhere nowhere

going to just drive somewhere and sleep in the van tonight

because i was moving around and doing things since i didnt care. instead of wanting to blink out of existence constantly and just trying to sleep a lot

my overall health was better when i was drinking

more of the same

no resolutions. the future doesnt change.

numbing everything you cant do anything about is better. at least you can tell being useful when you need to be

doesnt matter. none of it does. i functioned fine professionally. made the rest less painful

i should just start drinking again.

its better like that

they never even know

eventually if youre gone often enough people get tired of worrying about you. then when you have to finally leave its quiet. nobody has to be bothered with it.

having to be scarce for reasons has one benefit

thanks in advance

can someone do me a favor and stop by and blow my brains out. highest caliber you got