Dean Ray Johnson ⚪

It was a mistake to leave me unsupervised.

“Offer me gigabit.”
“Yes!”
“Fifteen different messaging apps, too, promise me that.”
“All that I have and more. Please...”
“Offer me anything I ask for.”
“Face computers, AI thermostats...anything you want!”
“I want Google Reader back, you son of a bitch!”

Neurospicy - fire
Neurosweet - air
Neurosour - earth
Neurobitter - water
Neuroumami - THE VOID

I was gonna say, makes me want to put some train rail pieces down on the signage to claim a route

But it was soft enough to cut with a basic knife and only had a couple tough chewy parts, so I got the big-chicken-nugget texture to work pretty well.

But I still hate being forced to cook. Stupid kidneys. 🙃

Then I sprinkled a tiny amount of salt on the plate and it made a huge difference. I should remember that I don't need to always cook with ZERO sodium. I can add a few hundred milligrams to a dish and still stay under my daily salt limits.

Next time I try this, like everything, it needs garlic.

I found a recipe for pan-fried CFS, supposedly an Emeril Lagasse recipe. It wasn't a crazy amount of work, mostly just needed to stand by the stove and keep an eye on everything.

I kept adding stuff to the gravy to put flavors in it. I overdid it with the cider vinegar and made it a bit sweet.

CF steak was my favorite food as a kid. It was like, it's a chicken nugget, but it's STEAK??? So it's always been comfort food when I'm having a crappy day.

Now when I do cheat and get one at a restaurant now, it just tastes like salt. I can't taste beef because diner CFS just tastes like salt.

Three slices of chicken fried steak on a paper towel on a plastic plate

Chicken fried steak and small white potatoes on a plastic plate

The same chicken fried steak and otatoes with cream gravy

One thing that sucks about the low-sodium diet: I can't really get chicken fried steak for comfort food anymore.

So I tried making my own. The texture was pretty good, but without salt, it just tasted like flour. Not awful for a first try but needs more flavors.

🧵

noice

SHARE MY FURY

where’s my lukewarm crew at? 🥤🙋🏻‍♀️

I AM ANGRY THAT THE "DOOT DOOT DOO-DOOOOO DOO-DOO DOO-DOO DOO-DOO" BACKGROUND MUSIC IMMEDIATELY STARTED PLAYING IN MY HEAD

Heart of the cards

I tried to grow a beard in college. A scraggly mustache and goatee thing.

A guy at an arcade asked me "Do you know that wrestler, Test?"

I shaved that beard that night.

The Black Bear Diner serves meat, chicken, and fish...

Speechless with how good this is

thinking again about the greatest scene in cinema history

"Whoa", but you must pronounce it with the proper wh diagraph

I was like "wait, pork chop sandwiches is only three words"

The contractor starts collecting the werewolf's shedded hair and sells it as a rare raveling fiber (like Tyler Durden selling soaps in Fight Club)

SHE SHEDS, HE SELLS

🧵 (1/X)

There's a moment every creator dreads: when someone explains your own work back to you

For me, that moment came when a Spaniard saw #KOKOTÖNA and went on a mini rant about how the Aztecs were ACKSHULLY a colonizing empire who subjugated neighboring peoples and practiced human sacrifice

You need to click through to see the actual context, but I will say that I am simultaneously very proud and very angry at someone who's writing for WotC

I don't even watch much winter sports and even I like was "wait, SHIT"

A playful poster graphic featuring flat illustrations of national postal services around the world that use bird logos. From March 2022

Postal services around the world that use birds as logos. One of my favorite poster graphics I've made! 🐦✉️

This is the warning on the blood pressure monitor my dad just got.

Exceptional work. Anybody know what the fuck it’s supposed to mean?

Last line is especially ominous

I really want to wait until v1.0 to play Slay the Spire 2, but I'm afraid that if I don't start now then I'm gonna miss out on all the good memes.

A Magic card titled "Electric Seaweed", featuring a ninja turtle simming through a group of pink leaves and reaching for a bomb. This is a reference to the swimming level of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles video game for the original Nintendo 8-bit system.

I'm not sure how I should feel about Universes Beyond, as someone who doesn't actually play much Magic anymore, but I gotta give them credit for making a card with sincerely thrilling artwork that made me immediately think "FUCK YOU" the first time I saw it

• Flight (Wings cover band)
• Blue Control (new wave)
• Ramp (alt rock)
• The Curve (ska)
• Exile Until It Leaves (hardcore punk)
• Landwalk (Celtic punk)
• Lifelink (emo)
• Hexproof (hair metal)
• Power Nine (orchestral prog rock)

I've linked the exact same comic in response to this stupid math meme.

The correct answer to this meme is "Find the person who wrote the problem and threaten to get them fired if they don't correct their syntax."

Fuck your PEMDAS. Don't write things that are technically correct but illegible.