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Todd Lunch

@toddlunch

Father was a harsh man.Tough disciplinarian. Once, he caught me smoking cigarettes. As punishment he locked me in a cupboard, & wouldn't let me out until I'd eaten the entire contents of Knowsley Safari Park. Including the gift shop. He never told me why.

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Latest posts by Todd Lunch @toddlunch

Or Martin.

10.03.2026 22:36 ๐Ÿ‘ 0 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Hopefully in Louis Armstrong's voice.

10.03.2026 22:20 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Piesty

10.03.2026 21:04 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Did you get proof that they didn't read it?

10.03.2026 21:00 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

I've never been confident. I said all those draws might come back to haunt us.

10.03.2026 20:46 ๐Ÿ‘ 2 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

I still have a bad feeling it will be us though. Bad result at the weekend and we could spiral.

10.03.2026 20:43 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Absolutely.

10.03.2026 20:32 ๐Ÿ‘ 0 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

As long as that's the case I'll be happy. Always a treat to see a top flight mainstay (other than us) slip out.

10.03.2026 20:27 ๐Ÿ‘ 2 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

I want them to win the CL and get relegated. The holders playing in the second tier would be great.

10.03.2026 20:22 ๐Ÿ‘ 3 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Definitely big something.

10.03.2026 20:17 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

My date never turned up at the cinema. I guess I'll have to watch Melania on my own.

10.03.2026 20:16 ๐Ÿ‘ 0 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Giving them a right shoeing whilst they're down. Utterly needless.

10.03.2026 18:17 ๐Ÿ‘ 2 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

For a second I thought Fred Dibnah was at it again.

10.03.2026 16:00 ๐Ÿ‘ 0 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

You've missed a bit haa ha ha ha ha ha ha etc.

10.03.2026 15:46 ๐Ÿ‘ 3 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

The percussion is a bit jungle/breakbeat/whateverit'scalled.

10.03.2026 15:27 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Cleckhuddersfax?

10.03.2026 13:23 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

With Guy Fawkes night coming up, make sure you check underneath your bonfires for any Bob Carolgees, that often take shelter there. Entice them out with some cat food if they're not keen on leaving.

10.03.2026 13:19 ๐Ÿ‘ 0 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Yes, thankfully. I had to check.

10.03.2026 10:30 ๐Ÿ‘ 0 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Why does my wife think it's cute when the cat comes in with a dead mouse in its gob and drops it on her lap, yet when I do it....

10.03.2026 09:57 ๐Ÿ‘ 0 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

I was having a kickaround with Elliott Gould last night (in a dream, not real life).

10.03.2026 09:32 ๐Ÿ‘ 0 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Shame they didn't all go to VAR.

09.03.2026 20:47 ๐Ÿ‘ 2 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

They should've made a day of it and gone to VAR for every single one.

09.03.2026 20:42 ๐Ÿ‘ 2 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Was it not supposed to do that?

09.03.2026 20:38 ๐Ÿ‘ 0 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Not sure how Dundee United got in the hat.

09.03.2026 19:12 ๐Ÿ‘ 0 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

I predict Southampton, who we'd also lose to.

09.03.2026 19:02 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

@yesmissmurphy.bsky.social Many happy birthdays to you. I hope you were inundated with gifts of spices and the finest silks the empire has to offer.

09.03.2026 09:47 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

It's probably in prison.

08.03.2026 22:38 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

If someone ruled it for zero seconds, they didn't actually rule it, yet they did rule it for zero seconds. I hope this helps.

08.03.2026 22:36 ๐Ÿ‘ 0 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

In my day, we'd be out playing with our succubi til mother shouted at us to come in for dinner.

08.03.2026 22:01 ๐Ÿ‘ 2 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

It'll be Southampton, and an exit for us.

08.03.2026 18:38 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0