Amanda Bryana

Two crocuses with pale yellow petals emerging from oak leaves.

A couple of pretty, pale yellow crocuses.

I really need tomorrow to be better. The bar is very very low.

That happened when I left my last job. They forced me out because they said my role had no value, then had to split my job between five people, including hiring one and extending another's hours.

I didn't laugh at all when I found out they were struggling 😇

I have 2 hours to find something I can give my brain to work on rather than the cause of the epic panic attack, just something to divert attention to so I have half a chance of being able to sleep.

Q-Force tonight, but it's much too short so I'll need something else later.

Just all of them at the moment.

Is there a multi-season tv show where the MC and love interest have less chemistry than Lucifer?

I think I've hit the totally drained of all energy, thought, and emotion post-panic stage. Hopefully it will be a nice extended numbness, and the stupid crying will finally stop. I would like to feel nothing at all for a while please.

Help a doggo out:

It's complicated. I'm sure the relationship will be fine, even if I don't say anything. Different in subtle ways, but the only one that will affect is me. There's no broken trust, not really any fault as such. I'll say something if directly asked, but otherwise I'll probably just work through it.

I do not have a guilty pleasure.

That would imply that I feel guilt for being myself.

I am looking at all of you that call 'reality' tv your guilty pleasure.
You are telling on yourself.

Thank you.

I feel that.

Does anyone else find it impossible to stop crying after a major panic attack? This shit has been going on for nearly seven hours. It's intermittent now, but it won't completely stop. My eyes hurt and my nose is sore from blowing it. I'm trying to get on with my work. It's just annoying now.

While my group have no skeletons in their closets, there are murky rumours that there may be one or two under the back fields at The Complex... 😂

It sometimes feels like the universe is trying to tell me something. It's so hard for me to find spaces, people, I feel safe to be completely me around. It almost never happens offline, so I rely on a tiny group of online friends for that. I always knew it was precarious...

2/2

Benji, Kit, and Wolf would figure out who did it, and figure out how to cover it up if it was one of theirs in trouble. Any outside threat would end up wishing they'd made better life decisions. By the time the snow was gone, there'd be nothing left to see.

#AwesomeCharacters

If I put all my characters in one room, it's going to need to be a very big room or all they're doing is playing sardines.

If there's a murder where my lot are, it was an outsider, they deserved it, no one saw anything, and Tank needs a couple of volunteers with shovels. 😂

Nap didn't take. Too stressed. Stuck on trying to decide whether to risk confrontation with someone who means a lot to me, or shove the hurt down and pretend everything is fine.

The hurt can't be undone. The damage isn't going away. The confrontation seems... pointless.

I think I dislocated my shoulder just thinking about trying that. But you look amazing.

Writing jobs are just the same. Either train AI, fix AI slop, or 50k words in 6 days - Budget £30.

Horribly depressing.

Chronic or mental illness & Others A bunch of circles within each other Outermost circle - what I feel & go thru 2nd outermost circle - what i can put into words 3rd outermost circle - what i tell others 4th and smallest circle - how much others actually understand

Looks like tonight's awesome characters is going to take more brain and energy than I've got. I might try it later after a nap and some journalling. The panic is still simmering and distraction is barely helping, so I'm going to try to reset, then work through today's changes. I just feel defeated.

@AllisonKull - THE UNSEEN BURDEN OF AUTOIMMUNE DISEASE" in large, bold text. The image features a blue background with six illustrated panels, each depicting a different emotional or physical struggle: Top Left: A scribbled, tangled mess of lines. Text: "Asking yourself why you, doubting if its ‘really that bad’" Top Center: An illustration of a person sitting and hugging their knees. Text: "Feeling defeated when chores, tasks & basic hygiene go undone" Top Right: An illustration of a person resting their head on their hand with "Zzz" symbols above them. Text: "Being entirely too drained to do anything you enjoy" Bottom Left: An illustration of a person sitting on the ground looking tired or sad. Text: "Having to be your own advocate" Bottom Center: Another scribble of tangled lines. Text: "Feeling misunderstood & not taken seriously" Bottom Right: An illustration of a person sitting alone in the foreground, with several shadowy silhouettes of pe

@AllisonKull on Insta

I really have to stop crying because I need to eat dinner in a minute and I currently can't breathe through my nose 🙄

Still not under control, but I just have to wait it out. The damage was not intentional, I don't think, but what's done is done and can't be undone.

Poor hubby has no idea what's going on because I can't explain, but he's being very sweet and is mostly relieved it's not his fault this time.

I can't get control of this panic attack. Finally got the breathing kind of sorted, but I can't stop crying and shaking.

Bad situation confirmed. I'm going to go and have a little breakdown.

This means their lawyers informed them they can get sued.

Still feel like hell. Energy is just absent. Brain fog is still there, but lighter today. I'm almost wishing it was worse because I'm stressing about a situation I can do nothing about, that could be really bad for me, and feeling the spiral starting. Yesterday, I couldn't hold a thought that long.