Snoopy Dopamine Machine

literally @esoterichoot.bsky.social and me

Pussy: Love Story from Titanic (ZX Spectrum, 2000)

This happened to me in a Russian spot! I was ata rave, and in broken English they’d try to ask me if I was furry and about me since I was running the Dess avatar. I mentioned owl like Kommandante Yoll?” And switched into the owl avatar.

I just heard this cry of “YOLLLL :D!” And people coming over

COMPART/ROGUE.GIF

Americans discovering Dizzy:

Bullet Bird - Northern Pygmy Owl in flight and perched. Photo By:
nathanclarkwildlife.

~Devon

Crazy how this whole track is just a single MIDI file, AND Konami officially released it on a floppy disk in 1995.

BIRDS/OWL4.GIF

When Jersey is as far east as you're willing to go

Pretty sure the last week or so has been an attempt by the universe to test my patience with a bunch of dumb bullshit to fix and dumb fucking people that I really don’t have the time or energy to deal with and appease/placate/etc.

Must be pretty lonely in those ivory towers this time of year.

Grandma is probably going to be dead in the next month or so because of the dementia progressing to the final stage.

Mom’s health isn’t doing too good.

Stepdad has dementia and is in assisted living now.

My cat who’s still with the family is being put down because of illness due to old age.

This time? I’m calm. I’m screaming internally but nothing is coming out. I’m not sure if this is a delayed reaction from the Thanksgiving visit or I’ve just been masked up and trying to pretend everything is alright for so long that things have finally slipped when I’ve least expected it.

My partner turned me onto ramen SPECIFICALLY calling it Cup O’ Worms when I was high and hungry once and have never looked back.

Photo of a young Great Horned Owl peering around a tree.

Great Horned Owl
#birds 🪶

When one of the deities you work with ends up crashing your dream to more or less tell you to “come visit soon” in the bluntest way possible to make damn sure you’re listening, it’s fucking disorienting 👀

What a way to start the morning.

Now I’m in a state of enlightenment that is spiritually fuck around and find out because according to everyone I’ve been working with, I’ve reached a point in my learning and growth where it’s time to put teachings into practice.

Still trying to process the huge steps I’ve taken over the last few days when it comes to my spiritual practice.

I’m thankful that I’m not how I used to be when it comes to the occult, putting so much superstition and emphasis on ritual to the point of where it would actively undermine growth.

BIRDS/OWL.GIF

One of the strangest aspects of aging that they don't warn you about is watching as history gets rewritten right in front of your face and people 20 years younger than you confidently tell you about something you lived through and get it completely wrong.

YOU GUYS WANNA SEE SOMETHING CURSED???? HOW ABOUT NEON GENESIS LEHIGH VALLEY PHANTOMS HOCKEY?????

I'm just fucking exhausted.

I've spent so much time trying to fix all of the things that have been done to me since I was a kid up until just a few years ago, but for what? I'm 39 next week and what the fuck do I have to show for it?

I struggle to find the happiness that other people come to find naturally and easily.

I'm lost.

I don't have many friends anymore and I'm having trouble making new ones.

I'm finding myself extremely depressed and despondent every time I get onto VRChat to try to socialize and connect with people.

Not enough places locally to make new friends.

I find it it pretty amusing that 2025 is the year where I’ve gotten spiritually dropkicked into exponential growth of harnessing magic effectively, exploration of the astral, and generally being a nuisance to the point of where my nickname for most of who I work with is “feathered bastard”.

If this was simple forgetfulness, being clumsy, or me just dealing with a fried brain and nervous system because of everything in my childhood and young adult years, I wouldn’t be worried at all.

But I’m forgetting things quicker, I’m misremembering things, and there’s “blank” stretches of time.

Maybe, just maybe, I’ll get someone who will take this shit seriously soon.

Early-onset dementia runs in my family, it affected Grandma. It’s affecting Mom.

I’m going to be 39 next week and the cognitive decline I’ve experienced over the last two years is too much to ignore.