Ophelia Sinclaire

it’s still not happening though.

i have to revise this post because i accidentally limited my options to just Sartha and Carol, somehow completely forgetting about Laura Dern in Inland Empire (2006). how foolish of me!

probably coping with a lot of cigarettes.

oh that’s absolutely a given, of course.

My yanksona is a red-haired cis woman from Texas called Heather that is a virtuous dumbass with zero regard for her own safety but stupid amounts of luck (and guns)

i need her?????

bbut,,.,., nno,.,.,. tthtats not true.....

...this is an actual character i've had rotating in my head for a while, by the way.

"this is my yanksona, its an alternate universe version of myself who grew up trans in the american midwest, exclusively uses it/its, ingests 400mg prog daily, owns a gun, and is named Angel. but aside from that it is mostly just the same as me"

the word "yanksona" has hit my psyche like a brick and i need everyone to know about this

it is absolutely important to me on a borderline spiritual level tbh

…this could be an acceptable agreement for now

You know, I identify a lot with emotional masochism, but I think I would prefer to call it "psychological masochism." That ABSOLUTELY describes me.

Asher (it/its/they/them)
- also goes by Ashe or Ashleigh
- generally unrepentant asshole
- self-designated leader of its hunting/combat pack
- favorite activity is breaking in new pack-sisters
- pathetically obsessed with being Handler's favorite hound

worlds most nervous laughter

…this is a dangerous thing to post when multiple girls are keeping active files on me, isn’t it?

(“step above” as in “worse than”)

this would basically be a step above identity death for me tbh

on the topic of Fucked Up Things I Would Fantasise About But Immediately Safeword For In Real Life: getting my hair cut down by a Handler as part of hound training

…adding the occasional “kiddo” as punctuation in this mental image is optional but encouraged, by the way.

ideally you should be imagining me imparting this advice as if i were your older sister smoking a cigarette in a parking lot and looking like i haven’t slept properly in a week while the neon red lights of gas price signage illuminate me from behind like some kind of angel.

i dunno, seems like some people are experiencing their first loop at the moment lol

anyway. you’ll be fine. enjoy the ride while you’re on it, look forward to the new tricks you’ll have up your sleeve when you eventually loop back round again. consider it a learning experience.

speaking from personal experience, there is a world of difference between the pathetic preything a few years ago who would show her neck when girls bared their teeth, and me now who can put up a fight before being beaten. all it took was getting my soul eaten, multiple identity deaths, and so on…

…if it’s some form of consolation for anyone grappling with being reduced to a broken husk for the first time, don’t worry about it too much. it won’t last forever. nature abhors a vacuum, after all.

and anyway, what happens afterwards is the really interesting part.

its crazy when a girl who claims it isn't a doll says something like "yeah i want to communicate only with chimes"

to some extent this also applies to accepting that im capable of admiring certain hard fetishes from a distance but not wanting to do them for real. i know ive talked about being able to logic check myself out of a cuck fetish but i think i wouldve emotionally struggled with it if it did go further.

im already wildly confident and insanely hot when it comes to being sexually submissive, it makes me really happy. im obviously not opposed to experimenting with being more dominant or letting it happen naturally over time but that’s very different from trying to make myself more dominant, yknow?

in all seriousness i am actually pretty comfortable just being mostly submissive and very occasionally dominant, i did spend a few hours today seriously considering being more dominant but realised id be doing it for the vague reason of it being “cool” rather than something id really want to do.

…this is gonna get me in trouble one day.