[Sic] Burns (@sicburns2)

Some local townsfolk down at the Cardinal Cafe might even say she’d kill for it

11.03.2026 12:53 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0

Jeez I hope not he owned the store

11.03.2026 12:46 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0

These unsolved small town crimes do make me wanna put together a nice short rib pappardelle with bolognese

11.03.2026 12:45 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0

Great you’re bringing the mudslide buzz bombs!

11.03.2026 12:42 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Are you kidding you’ll even have Medicare to pay for the sunburn treatments and sand volleyball injuries so grab a bag of your favorite shooters and let’s go!

11.03.2026 12:39 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Ah screw it I’m planning a spring break in South Padre can I get 12 other middle aged dudes to sleep on the floor of a Best Western with me

11.03.2026 12:26 👍 9 🔁 0 💬 3 📌 0

But even you would be completely shocked by what happened next…

11.03.2026 12:22 👍 6 🔁 0 💬 2 📌 0

i’ve listened to enough true crime podcasts to know this guy stabbing me is up to no good

11.03.2026 12:00 👍 55 🔁 8 💬 1 📌 0

Another $50 billion? In this lobotomy?

11.03.2026 12:14 👍 19 🔁 6 💬 1 📌 0

🎉🎂🍾
Go Mama Go!

11.03.2026 12:12 👍 4 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Hope the tiara fits

11.03.2026 12:01 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

I don’t think I’ve done that since Cocktail

11.03.2026 12:00 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0

They’re so cute when they put on Daddy’s shoes

11.03.2026 11:57 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Pepperoni Scooby Snacks for everyone!

11.03.2026 11:43 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Impossible

11.03.2026 11:40 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0

[Showing Tom Cruise a video of me putting my socks on while standing up] I do my own stunts too.

11.03.2026 10:35 👍 59 🔁 22 💬 2 📌 0

let us begin the horizontal beguine

11.03.2026 10:37 👍 20 🔁 7 💬 1 📌 0

Calm down bro you should be OK as long as you haven’t told Miss America to just resign

11.03.2026 11:36 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0

Seattle come get your weather this is some wet ass nonsense

11.03.2026 11:33 👍 8 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0

What level of chess are they playing when every answer they give about Iran starts with hominna hominna hominna I’m thinking minimum 6D

11.03.2026 07:56 👍 37 🔁 9 💬 1 📌 0

“Happily married”? We just out here making up words then

11.03.2026 04:56 👍 23 🔁 6 💬 0 📌 1

No comment

11.03.2026 04:03 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0

😢 Been there (not in a fur suit)

11.03.2026 03:43 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0

Hooooooly shit

11.03.2026 03:39 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0

Ouch! But I’m sure you know any discussion of resetting the thermostat could end in tears and epithets

11.03.2026 03:27 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0

I’m more like a pigeon in San Marco Square

11.03.2026 03:25 👍 6 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0

One of the good things about getting older is how you begin to resemble a limestone baluster on the Ponte di Rialto in Venice

11.03.2026 03:06 👍 44 🔁 11 💬 5 📌 0

That iconic photograph on the cover of London Calling, only it’s me trying to smash open a box of Wheat Thins

11.03.2026 03:10 👍 102 🔁 32 💬 6 📌 1

Spare time? You mean when I’m high or asleep?

11.03.2026 01:28 👍 7 🔁 2 💬 0 📌 0

I fear we are losing far too many good vaginas this way

11.03.2026 03:08 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

[Sic] Burns

Latest posts by [Sic] Burns @sicburns2