handjob jones

I literally almost put a momtok member but shifted to Bible bitch Barbie. Excellent/terrible list

Jeef

Upside is I'm never waiting on any man's text and now I'm also mysterious (neglectful)

Not sure if it's all the weed I smoke or what, but I have lost object permanence. I can be in the middle of fantastic convo via text or social media and the moment I look away? you no longer exist sorry

Deathmaxxing bombmaxxing tjmaxxing

Who is in your nightmare blunt rotation? I'll go first. Karoline Leavitt, the 37 year old model who looks 17, my mom, my high school basketball coach, and uhhh... I guess genghis khan

You don't see people running away from home with a checkered bag tied to the end of a stick anymore

Jeef

A recipe in my inbox for lobster thermidor

This means you leveled up in the cooking skill in the sims so the fact that this is in my inbox means I'm cooking lol, lmao even

Yeah it really does

Balling outta control

Would really love to see yall make fewer podcasts and more molotovs

I mean I think we're all tired but yes tossing him out will be rad

Tech bro in the AI data center with the HDMI cable

Donald Trump is the bay leaf of presidents. He thinks he's useful and fancy but nobody's actually sure what he even does.

To celebrate women's history month, give a woman $200 right now

I thought DMX said he was gonna give it to em but here we are and nobody's been given shit

Well, gas is expensive, and food is expensive, and we’re doing a war nobody wants, but at least there are no jobs

I talk shit about you in my close friends insta stories

Would personally love to see an HDMI cable

A text from me to my partner that says "can't believe we get to be in love for free with no interest and no introductory offers"

what it's like to be in a relationship with me (a delight)

You look like you'd try to read the ingredients on the back of an apple

In case you needed to hear it today, I'm proud of you even if your mom isn't

I thought so

Fairly accurate vibe

The real reason women don't have pockets is bc they could wank it easier if they did... and men don't like women competing in their sports

Who is the same bitch that invented poodle skirts?

Every time this happens to me, a girl cuts her own bangs

Get in here, I got enough to share