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Morgan Phillips

@morgan

Improv at UCB in NYC. Was in a couple of issues of McSweeney’s, but a long time ago when it was less impressive. He/Him.

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11.04.2023
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Latest posts by Morgan Phillips @morgan

Some would say we’ve made it impossible for Iran to ever agree to a peace deal, but what if we agreed to give them Trump? #artofthedeal

11.03.2026 16:56 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

My yearly subscription to @zeteo.com just renewed, I wonder if there will be any gaps in corporate media coverage over the next 12 months 🤔

11.03.2026 15:16 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

This made me realize I don’t actually know how money works at a grocery store

Do you eat the money, is it a grocery???

Please help, I am imaginary 😨😨😨

11.03.2026 14:58 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

What percentage of the people worried about the imaginary threat of Sharia law in the U.S. want to impose their own religion’s laws? Is it 100% or just 99%?

10.03.2026 16:58 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

It’s almost as if everybody should leave X 🤔

10.03.2026 16:53 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Honestly surprised he didn’t force Vance to wear the baseball cap

10.03.2026 14:35 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

It would be great to get a rationale for the Iran War that precludes nuking them, aka the end of the world

10.03.2026 13:55 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

“Phew, it’s over” said the people in the horror movie

09.03.2026 20:22 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Now I’m even more confused and intrigued

09.03.2026 20:20 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Is there a way to find out why people care what Timothee Chalamet said about opera and ballet, without hearing what Timothee Chalamet actually said about opera and ballet? Because I don’t care what Timothee Chalamet said about opera and ballet but I’m genuinely curious why other people would

09.03.2026 20:09 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

WHAT IS THEIR CURIOUS TALENT

09.03.2026 19:39 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

This feels like something we’ll hear the actual truth about 10 years from now.

09.03.2026 19:15 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Had no idea he was unemployed! I hereby renounce him

09.03.2026 15:45 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

People are saying the baseball hat is disrespectful but don’t they realize the letters are GOLDEN??? That is the most luxurious and fancy shade of piss

08.03.2026 00:20 👍 3 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0

I don’t know who that is, going to assume she’s the new Chester Cheetah

08.03.2026 00:16 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Leaving us “no choice” but to 💥🤯💥

07.03.2026 16:37 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

So important to not worry about too many things at once, today I’ll exclusively worry about “what if they decide his only path to maintaining power is (oops!) allowing a massive and unprecedented attack on the homeland”

07.03.2026 14:59 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0

Am I overestimating AI or are you overestimating humans

06.03.2026 18:34 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0

Which current world leader is most likely to launch a nuclear first strike?

06.03.2026 15:16 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

This appointment is an act of sabotage against America

05.03.2026 18:53 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Only fair, since they didn’t let the other guy include “Warlord of Mars”

03.03.2026 19:40 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Oh

03.03.2026 18:20 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

I might be ten feet tall

03.03.2026 18:09 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

It’s “Being There” except with a Reality TV host instead of a gardener

03.03.2026 17:38 👍 7 🔁 0 💬 3 📌 0

Get a room

03.03.2026 16:17 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

I’m afraid to hear your answer to this question

03.03.2026 15:08 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0

“Surveillance via ads you’re forced to watch in order to briefly escape your miserable existence” is off the charts dystopian, props to the writers of our simulation

03.03.2026 14:39 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

What if the plan is to do all the evil things on the checklist, then take him out and take over

03.03.2026 13:33 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

This would actually be a pretty good use case for ivermectin

02.03.2026 20:25 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Isn’t it a little confusing if we start using “politically incorrect” and “illegal” interchangeably?

02.03.2026 20:03 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0