Dustin ⛆✈︎

City inspector says they’re gonna hafta start fining me if I don’t put the skin back on my house.

Is the siding the house’s clothes or its skin?

uncouth

It’s a drizzly Friday evening. Time to snuggle up in the shed with your creepy crawlies. Time to cover yourself in wet leaves and roll around in a ditch. Time to stand under a streetlight in your bathing suit, and if anyone asks what the hell you’re doing, say “Tanning.”

Helping my neighbor get a head start on his springtime yard work by pruning his prized fence.

Don’t be afraid to change! Even if it’s for the worse. Just slop around in the mud if you want. Who cares anymore

Thank you.

Sincerely,
Customer Support Team

I asked to speak to its manager, but it ignored me.

Going out in the woods and asking a great horned owl, “Excuse me, do you work here?”

On the phone with you and we’re both on mute.

Neil armstrong was the first man who had to walk on the moon

Getting out of the draft by showing them my drafts.

Blue sky is where you go when you need to say W.E.B. Da Boys

If you’re not gazing at the horizon as you compose your post, we don’t want to read it.

Calling my U.S. senator to ask why my newspaper wasn't delivered.

They’re passing a voter ID law where the only valid ID is can you name a Kid Rock song any song come on not even one?

They’re passing a voter ID law where the only valid ID is the election judge looks you up and down real suspicious.

They’re passing a voter ID law where the only valid ID is a Tractor Supply Co. Neighbor’s Club quarterly statement.

They’re passing a voter ID law where the only valid ID is a birthmark that was foretold by the emperor’s mystics.

They’re passing a voter ID law where the only valid ID is a series of occult symbols that appeared on the underside of a leaf.

They’re passing a voter ID law where the only valid ID is your Seward Community Co-op member number.

They’re passing a voter ID law where the only valid ID is a Cenex gas card.

Some people are here for social connection. Some for political discourse. I’m here because I was banned from posting on the Community Board at my neighborhood organic foods co-op.

My faith leader says I’m not allowed to follow your account anymore.

Meet me in the clearing. Bring a chisel. I’ll bring a winch. It’s about time this hamlet had a standing stone.

If you are driving a car and become angered by a bus this should be a You Must Change Your Life moment. The gentleness of this great beast, and its great indifference, should reveal you to yourself.

I believe life is inherently meaningless and also I get nervous to talk to people I don't really know

Do dogs wonder why we don’t lick them back?

[typing frantically as right-wing thugs drag me away] Cats are…girls…and…dogs…are boys…POST