at this point, just mAcroplastic me, m’kay?
13.03.2026 20:55
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at this point, just mAcroplastic me, m’kay?
barista just called me “ma’am” three times so now my coffee tastes like mothballs
Ok, but do you pronounce it like “tomato” or “fuck you?”
*eats a grapefruit*
i laugh in the face of danger muahaha-
☠️
what about seizer salad bc if so i am totally down for that.
2026 is the “before” shot in paper towel commercials. That shit is falling all tf apart.
What if Hootie didn’t blow that fish?
“I look at myself, in the mirror, am I Vitameatavegamin today?” - Nelly Furtado, probably.
Movie idea: they are abducting celebrities who slightly resemble the pedo criminals. Jim Carrey is actually Jeff Epstein with a shitton of cosmetic surgery. Maxwell is now Bradley Cooper. It is up to Liam Neeson to rescue them all.
I may seem like I’ve got it together but deep down, and a little on the surface, I’m just weird Barbie.
I’m just a girl. Standing in front of a boy. Asking him to believe her when she says she did not realize she sent her 3 year old to school in a Snoop Dogg shirt with pot leaves on it. Her naive little self thought they were palm trees.
This is why we choose bears. Every goddamn time.
He’s holding America hostage, isn’t he? Gotta be why they’re letting him be this unhinged.
are you spineless or -
I am a nervous system.
The ease with which I’m able to lie to my toddler should be no indication for my ability to lie “in real life.” Yes, I DID say “where’s the truck” just now, sweetheart.
I’m sorry you didn’t get the ultimate Vday gift this morning. 🪦
The witches were burned at the stake because they uncovered their modern-day Epstein Files, weren’t they?
Have a penny, give a penny??? In THIS economy?!
Houston, we have soooo many problems.
Setting up a GoFund Me, but for Serotonin.
Oy with the poodles already.
When the fuck are we going to get to the part in the movie where all the bad guys get exposed and justice is served bc I’ve seen this movie before but it’s never taken this goddamn long.
“reLEaSiNg tHe FiLeS aND pROseCUtiNg eVeRYonE iN tHeM wOUld ToPpLe THe sYsteM”
Then, GODDAMN! TOPPLE, BABY, TOPPLE!
ysssssw
Please doctor my drafts, they’re rough
I want to live in un-president-ed times.
REDACTION JUNCTION WHAT’S YOUR FUNCTION
It’s wild to me that we live in a time where we are required to censor our mentions of “r@pe,” yet the act itself seems to get some elected into office.
Beginning to think time actually wounds all heals.