I have more followers on other sites, but the QUALITY of followers on here: smart, beautiful people. And the GENITALS? Glistening! Real top-quality knobs and knockers. What a joy it is to interact with you all.
This is true; I had sex last week with a human
Mini goldendoodle puppy is high as balls
Finn got 3 vaccinations today, and he’s been sitting staring like this for 10 minutes. Boy’s high as balls.
I asked for “a bunch of black pepper” at Wendy’s today and girl at the window nailed it
One thing I’m glad Bluesky copied from Twitter is the opportunity to be followed by lingerie-and-bikini ladies
I’m happiest when I’m sad
My doctor says I can’t donate blood for a while because my iron’s too low, but I need that blood OUT of me. TOO MUCH BLOOD. THE GODS DEMAND A SACRIFICE. Also, he says I should eat red meat and legumes.
Jack Smith drops all federal cases against Trump
This seems like a dereliction of duty. How can you say you’re a country based on the rule of law if the law isn’t applied equally?
I was mad at my wife tonight so when I made her sandwich for lunch I cut it straight across instead of diagonally
Me to my dogs, every day: YOU PEOPLE ARE ANIMALS
A tiny, cute puppy with curly blond fur is looking out the back window of a car. The wind is blowing hard on his adorable little face.
A teeny-weeny, itty-bitty puppy with curly blond hair is curled into a ball in the back seat of a car. He’s wearing a red harness on his minuscule body.
Took this guy to puppy school and then he passed out in the back of the car.
If you’re a transphobe, homophobe, bigot, misogynist, or racist, you can fuck off. I don’t want your follow and I hope you get anal warts the size of grapes.
Cary!
There are two dogs in this picture. Also, you owe me $20 if you wank to my feet.
I dig this
Things my wife said in her sleep last night:
“Do you smell bacon?”
“HELP!”
“Zombies! It’s zombies!”
I don’t know how this is possible. I DO NOT FEEL CALM.
How many scabs do you need to peel to fill a burrito?
Turns out the hang glider I made out of an old tent was not airworthy and I’d like to apologize to the Scout troop for making them watch their leader scrape down the side of a cliff. They make new faces all the time, and maybe sewing it back on could earn you a badge.
The best thing about getting older is that the farts just kind of fall out of you
I’m the Beyoncé of Bluesky
I’m gonna start digging a bunker
You’d think that watching Trump nominate the absolute dumbest, most-batshit and corrupt cabinet in history would be a lot more fun
If it’s not fresh, I don’t want it. I don’t need the privilege of taking your rotten lettuce home without you even charging me.
I didn’t even know bees had forgans
It’s pronounced “bloo-ski”
Hi Katie. I’m Richard and I’m a pupaholic.
A very cute puppy named Finn. He’s a mini goldendoodle. He is mischievous.
Finn is ambivalent
For sale: dog bed, well used.
Me, repeatedly texting “Supper’s ready” to my adult children, who never respond.
My relationship with my adult children.
