Travis comma bitch

mcgruff the crime dog on instagram (@mcgruffatncpc) standing next to the text "VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN PLEDGE"

crime dog you gotta find some better wording for this

many don’t know that the phrase “have a good one” is referring to a hot dog

Life is a marathon

One day can't hurt

Hey Aric! How are you?

I'll just floss tomorrow

I'll explain later. We have to go. Now.

Ok, now I'm at least oriented. Cheddar is something I can understand!

*wiping my forehead*

Serious answers only, please

Has anyone ever had Colby cheese by itself?

DEATH ROW HACK: For your last meal, request Olive Garden breadsticks

I nearly let my mind run free at one point today but then my survival instinct kicked in

Be myself? I'd be institutionalized within an hour

And I have always known that you were capable. Proud of u

Always be prepared!

keeping plenty on my floorboards in wait

I used to wake up early to go to the gym before work, but then I learned about sleeping in and not

We were supposed to be fueling our cars with garbage by now

Getting the supreme car wash because I love sour cream

Know Your Birds:
Pigeon - Default bird
Seagull - Noisy bird
Dog - This one isn't a bird
Kangaroo - Neither is this one
Octopus - Also not a bird

Never again

If they'd just held the event one day later...

This happened to me once

I'm well aware. That's why I have to floss........................ tomorrow

I'm just glad to see her smiling again

Yeah I experimented with coke when I was younger (dissolved various things in soda for a science fair)

the new york times post captioned “here are the suggested serving sizes of common household supplies that surprised us the most” with a photo of a glob of white goo in the palm of a hand

gotta be another way to do this

Are we allowed to get the rest of the Epstein files now?

Electing this guy twice is really bad. But the real reason the US cannot be trusted is that it has been unable to impeach him.