S.M. Allard

Bernie looks like absolute shite

it’s even older, that’s how never it never gets old!

>Creator of chick’n nuggit, Kyra Kupetsky gifts buzzfeed with the only relevant property in years

>buzzfeed tells Kyra they’re gonna be using AI on her creation

> kyra quits

>news of possible bankruptcy

One might call this poetic

Everyone knows the right way to combat rising prices as a result of a supply shock is to drop interest rates so that prices rise even faster.

BREAKING NEWS: high school dropout with meat sweats declared "the future of MAGA"

#StuNews

Today I was in a structured study hall/resource.

6th grader: How much time do I have left?
Mr. A: (looking at him side to side) Why, Mr. [redacted] you look as healthy as anyone I know. May you live to a hundred.
6th grader: ...
Mr. A: It's 8:52

#sublife

Former New Zealand PM Jacinda Ardern has reportedly moved to Australia as the job market and economy weakens on the South Pacific island. It's the biggest exodus from NZ since Beleriand was evacuated during the War of Wrath.

#StuNews

Five golden rings

Cathartic *maybe*

She's seen two episodes of "Gomer Pyle USMC"

The future Alpha 5

It is really weird to me when people don’t like reading and books.

I get not having enough time to read. I get wanting to read more, but there are just too many distractions around you. Obviously, I get having disabilities that make it difficult to read.

But just not liking books? Who are you?

Leavitt: “Operations will conclude when the commander in chief determines that the military objectives have been met, and after we figure out what the objective was to begin with”

#StuNews

Guys, you don't have to worry about the trolley problem. I live in Lisbon. We have actual trolleys, and they don't run people over. What you REALLY need to be studying is the Funicular Problem

It's so weird that Roeper was mostly omitted from the Ebert documentary

Come on team that's incidentally 80% American!

Reporter: Did the US kill 170 young girls with a tomahawk missile in Iran?

Trump: It was probably an Iranian missile. Their missiles are very inaccurate.

The missile literally says MADE IN THE USA.

Now I can ask a crosswalk if I have anything stuck in my teeth

First the jokes about illegally killing people on boats allegedly carrying drugs, now a comedy routine about torpedoing an unarmed ship in an undeclared war

A report by Lindt says users of weight-loss drugs like GLP-1 are eating more chocolate, not less. When reached for comment, an agonist user said "piss off, I've been on the toilet for three hours."

#StuNews

Karl Marx on the American Civil War:

"The Paul Reiser Show," or NBC's clumsy attempt at ripping off "Curb Your Enthusiasm?"

I call bullocks! That group of urchins is co-ed!

Our (augmented) lips are sealed

As much as we can and should blame the President for the disaster our country is becoming, remember:

If you refused to vote for Kamala...

If you voted third party...

If you stayed home in 2024...

If, God forbid, you voted for Trump...

THIS IS ON YOU!!!

REPORT: Tickets for week two of Live Nation/Ticketmaster antitrust trial now available on StubHub

#StuNews

Carmen Sandiego from the 90s cartoon

Happy International Women's Day to the original International Woman

A former Harvard physicist claims God may have a physical location within the universe, around 439 billion trillion KM (273 billion trillion miles) away from Earth. Now all he needs is a Zoom link.

#StuNews

Wow -- as first spotted by @BadFoxGraphics on X, Fox & Friends this morning used *old footage of a previous dignified transfer* to mislead their audience about the fact that Trump wore a baseball cap during the one yesterday

we bag on the boomers a lot, but they dealt with their mid-life crisis in a good and normal way (buying a red sports car and having an affair with their secretary) whereas Gen X is all "maybe this next genocide will finally make them bring back the square spongebread cafeteria pizza"