Pretty Okay?

i’m not even pro death penalty but just know whenever you criticize people from another country for wanting to kill their would-be dictators by saying “such things have no place in civilized society” i imagine you’re a little lord. a little baby lord with a little baby lord haircut and bloomers

me and my bf checking a movie’s runtime and it’s 3 hrs long

him, a cool guy: *wincing* oooof 3 hrs yikes

me, trying to be cool: *pretend wincing* oooh yeah tough sell. hope there isn’t a glorious sweeping score. hope there isn’t an 8 min scene of somebody picking up a flower in the snow,

My coworker just suggested we "set a trap" for the guy who keeps stealing lunches from the break room fridge. Brother you are Tom and Jerry brained. We are going to HR.

That thing in the sky they use to dry tomatoes? I hate it

so we paid the tariffs and now the corporations that passed the costs on to me and you are the ones that are going to be reimbursed, do i have that correct

Community meme: I CAN EXCUSE FASCISM. BUTI DRAW THE LINE AT MERCANTILISM.

The Supreme Court:

a good friend

THE IS MY LAUNDRY DAY SHIRT IF YOU TRY TO HIT ON ME I WILL KILL US BOTH

working on a shirt to wear to the laundromat

One day I realized that “I’m just not good at x” is brain worms and that I could be good at anything if I tried. It’s really not that difficult cutie pies.

Ernie Bushmiller's Nancy marching down a sidewalk with a big frown

going on a stupid little walk for my dumb mental health

Anyway, my personal gripe is that NO I DON’T WANT TO GET RECRUITED FOR YOUR TTRPG, I want to have sex, actually, happy you have your thing, though, I’m just not looking to broaden my horizons or use my brain to solve novel character-writing problems on the fly in my spare time right now in my life

Growing up in a time when “selling out” was the most shameful thing you could do and then being forced to live through the 2020s feels like being kicked in the head by a horse every day

Hey! Here is a really important distinction:

satire

vs.

being shitty, but in a jokey tone

The only conspiracy theory I've ever believed in trending towards being true is making me feel like I'm going crazy

an image of a purple triangle that is an edit of maslov's hierarchy of needs which says "full body contact hugs" however the image i grabbed is not actually legible as the meme so i made the triangle purple and also added the title in the top corner because otherwise this is basically just a triangle which i think maybe actually could be legible abstractly if you just present someone with a labeled triangle but the color purple might be essential. anyway, hugs are nice

My takeaway from every new Epstein revelation is that some powerful people victimized many powerless young women, many more knew, some actively enabled it--and we're still being told that MeToo and accountability for sexual violence have gone too far

NONBINARY 👏 PEOPLE 👏 CAN 👏 HAVE 👏 GOOD 👏 FASHION 👏

high-level drug dealers: "we never mention anything illegal over text. basic details of transit and logistics are discussed only via encrypted comms."

child sex traffickers: "lmao the future president hurt himself in my pedophile mansion bc he was too busy oogling naked children"

LOCK THE FUCK IN EVERYONE

my husband couldn’t remember the name ‘geek squad’ so he called it ‘the nerd store’ followed by a frustrated ‘you know what i’m referring to! the virgin store!’

Yes!

And I think he did great work with media but honestly nothing had me saying "oh wow communicator of a generation."

No. He's likeable, he's decent, his policies are popular, he has a campaign work ethic.

Maybe most importantly: he obviously had competent staff and obviously listened to them.

You're right, it's my fault the elected Democratic senators folded. My anger at their lack of will to fight made them so sad that they lost their will to fight.

making friends is so hard when you're kinda antisocial and also a cunt

there’s a thing here about for the last decade or so, online people have been very negative about small talk - the weather, or local news, or whatever - and small talk is the grease that keeps physical interactions going, and i am tired of ceding that to shut-ins

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in this house
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🦶🏼 🦶🏼

saw a lady walking in to target, tears on her face, a giant plastic skeleton in each arm. there’s a story there

Asthma aka awake apnea

I have been charged in a federal indictment sought by the Department of Justice.

This political prosecution is an attack on all of our First Amendment rights. I’m not backing down, and we’re going to win.