Jonathan Bromley

Ours is about to be demolished, so it ain't getting cleaned this year.

I will refrain from reporting on which year it was last cleaned.

Sechs-Sieben to you too.

Toast on a breadboard. Some burnt edges have been cut off ready to be discarded.

Toaster went rogue this morning.

Is your cupboard too soft? Make it crisp again by holding it in front of the funeral pyre of your enemies who interrupted The Archers.

I now have a new prompt for the Allister Heath headline generator, but tbh it is no match (matcha??) for this.

advice requested from @professorunwin.bsky.social as it may in fact be his work

<adopts patronising tone> oh, you don't have a power sander? Gosh, I thought absolutely EVERYONE has one of those. Poor you.

(For context: I am a notorious hoarder of DIY tools and paraphernalia. This is not an entirely good thing. In my defence, I had a late neighbour who was even worse.)

Razz it with the power sander and slap on a coat of polyurethane varnish. It'll be right as ninepence in no time.

I'm getting old and tired, and I need to decide what to do with the rest of my life.

I could do what little I can to make life better for those around me.

Or I could bomb the shit out of kids and civilians in a country I can't pronounce and can't locate on the map.

Sheesh, so hard to choose.

Disappointed that it's not written "hornèd".

Abbey, please ask your human to confirm that you are not on the Naughty Step.

Waaaah. "Islamo-woke Green alliance" will haunt me for some time.

He'd have a hissy fit when he found that there are no monasteries to dissolve. He had all those acid baths ready and everything.

That sort of thing is properly infuriating.

I have SUSPICIONS about why it might be, and why it might counterintuitively be worse on a fast connection, but I will not share them because it might involve suggesting that someone in BBC infrastructure has overlooked something fairly obvious.

Neighbours' tree is now the singing platform for an incredibly persistent great tit* whose endlessly repeated falling major thirds are inducing ennui. Hope he finds a mate (or whatever it is he/she is performing for) soon.

*As identified by Merlin app. I have little clue.

Charm-Bose-ola?

The only correct response.

DFS means a bigger choice, yes!

... if memory serves me right.

It is bizarre that I can recall advertising slogans from decades ago, but can't remember why I came upstairs.

A very old 3-pin electrical plug, about 5cm diameter, with a central round earth pin of curious hollow conical form, and blade-shaped power pins either side of it. An ordinary wooden pencil in the foreground indicates scale.

Exhibit A: three-pin inline Wylex plug, vintage 1950-ish. Pencil for scale. I have seen these in active use in my grandparents' home in the late 50s.

Round-pin 15A three pin plugs were common up to the mid 60s, and are still used for stage lighting.

Yes, I know those things. I was interested in the ghost white lettering, *beneath* the Brymay text - it looks as though there may be quite a lot of it, but it's only the top line that I could even partly read. I think it may be WESTMINSTER but can't be sure.

Just saying: I never have that kind of problem when I'm sitting at home drinking coffee and munching hot cross buns. Lifestyle choices might want revisiting.

Anyone who has had the misfortune to tune in accidentally to AA's Classic FM morning smarm-fest will be putting that programme on the Do Not Watch list, I think.

Thank you. It's one of my favourites and yet I've never stopped to think about the origins.

When the fun stops, STOP.

PS: my second middle name is Elliott. Two Ls, two Ts, absolutely no relation to the wonderful TS, but I'm a lifelong fan.

Kit the Doctorate Cat would fit seamlessly into Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats.

When there's a thesis to be written/
You could not want a better kitten/
Kit's the Daily Chapter feline/
Who will keep you on a bee-line/
To a Doc-Tor-Ate!/
Don't be late!

Etc.

As deadlines approach, I become spectacularly more hungry and thirsty. I thought it was just me. Thanks for the vindication.

I'm struggling with the semantics of "too heavy handed with the g".

I once lodged with a single guy. He was extolling the virtues of some pancake mix he'd bought. I read the packet: it said "Just add egg and milk". Nearly wet myself.

You've bought a packet of flour with a bit of salt, mate.

Can never find the facepalm emoji when I need it.

So much this. Driving smoothly at a steady 20mph can be a bit tricky in internal-combustion cars because you're inevitably in a low gear and so the car's response to the accelerator pedal can be twitchy. Speed limiters just take that problem away.

Electric cars take it away even better, of course!

Campaign to have Mothering Sunday revert to its old name of Mid-Lent Sunday or Refreshment Sunday as the good lord intended. That will also give us licence to have a bit of a blow-out and wear rose-pink vestments, as well as disambiguating it from whatever the actual fuck Mother's Day might be.