kulupu

One of the most recovery supporting things you can do for yourself online is mute, unfollow, & block social media accounts that distract you from your recovery work-- that only piss you off, frustrate you, preoccupy you. Just do it. Life's too short & recovery is too important.

When working by committee (and literally on boards of directors), I prefer a clear meta-discussion of “what are we doing here” to make sure goals are aligned. Otherwise “too many cooks” and long debates and arguments are inevitable.

Pro tip for plurals: you’re running a whole life by committee.

Skull with Burning Cigarette - 1885
https://botfrens.com/collections/46/contents/13795

i feel deeply bitter writing this stupid Thing for my job for valentine's day while my grandmother is dying in front of me. like what do you even do but laugh. the love in my heart is a dam forced through a straw

Experiences of pleasure & life enrichment aren't the "reward" for having "conquered" trauma-- they're tools for recovering from trauma. Eating well, learning things worth learning, & feeling sparks & spikes of pleasure, are the path, not the goal.

Trauma Brain will try to get you to dismiss recovery tools like self-talk, visualization, & purposeful breathing as "silly" or weak sauce or otherwise not worth trying-- but don't let it trick you into assuming that because a tool sounds "simple," it's superficial or ineffective.

CPTSD is like someone in your ear, 24/7, listing all the ways you suck, & anyone who says you don't suck doesn't "really" know you, & you may as well not try to not suck, because you just SUCK so much.

And they don't shut up & they don't get tired & they don't stray off message.

sometimes i find out people have me blocked on my other accounts and i get curious and every time without fail it's like yup i would hate you if we ever met properly. blocking was a good idea i'm glad people do it

Being a headmate is weird because sometimes you pick up an object and are hit with the realisation that this thing you use every single day predates your existence as an individual

did a scary thing (sent my first invoice for my new job)

funniest part of DID is when it turns out some guy i knew like 4 years ago has a grudge against me and i have zero recollection of who they are

Everyone feels child-like when an emotional flashback hits. There's no need for shame, & no "shoulds" when it comes to reactions we don't choose & are actively woking to manage.

Meet those reactions w/ compassion & patience-- you know, those things you needed as a child.

my brain is like a sieve that everything falls out of UNTIL it finds something to ruminate on

no one told me that the price of getting a job i really like is intense thoughts of self-sabotage

Starting over after we relapse or otherwise crash isn't a "failure." Trauma Brain is going to try to frame it as a "failure," but it's actually evidence of enormous maturity & commitment.

So it was a sh*t day or night. Do the next right-- i.e., recovery supporting-- thing.

They're going to tell you "it must not be that bad," because you're "functioning" at a "high" level-- because they don't understand dissociation.

Their ignorance is what it is-- but don't let your "functionality" convince you "it must not be bad." You know it's not that simple.

i really have no idea what to Do when one part of my trauma brain is crying for reassurance and the other part is horrified of being perceived

frustrated. was having such a good day but then i came home from group therapy and got triggered three different ways in like four hours and i'm just running out of coping mechanisms

We're going to have imperfect moments because we're human-- & our trauma conditioning is going to both make those moments even cringier, & try to convince us we "can't" be forgiven for or rebound from them.

Prove your CPTSD wrong by being relentlessly gentle & fair to yourself.

CPTSD survivors w/ a history of being gaslit & coerced need to be very intentional w/ how we consume & engage on social media. Influencers & algorithms are not "neutral," & often don't value our emotional or intellectual autonomy.

Notice how you feel & focus as you scroll.

99% of posters stop right before they post through it. as your lawyer please keep posting through it

Something you're going to notice as you work your trauma recovery: being reflexively silent because you're intimidated or in a "freeze" response feels very different than choosing silence because you're opting out of a toxic exchange that doesn't support your recovery.

giving myself a gold star every time i practice my dbt skills instead of doing soemthing wildly self destructive past midnight

my toxic trait is that i'm gonna kill you and kill you and kill you and kill you and kill you and kill you and kill you and kill you and kill you

Beginning meditation can be rough for CPTSD survivors, for some of the same reasons falling asleep is rough. Our head's full of chatter (or worse), & we don't love surrendering "control."

Don't force it. Start w/ tiny increments of gently focused attention, & build up slowly.

Dissociation-- up to & including DID-- is more common that the culture around us will ever want to admit.

Talking & working w/ our "parts" does not make us some kind of "fragile" weirdo. It makes us realistic & adaptable in designing a recovery & a life.

dandys world is so fun but its literally a machine that turns me into dissociative soup

I think if you are self aware enough to recognise that you are having The Mental Health Disorder, the disorder should just give up, throw it's hands in the air and go "you got me" and leave