B 🐝

I'm actually hilarious if you don't get to know me

they should make a brain you can power down every evening with the push of a button

I am in my fun era
aka midlife crisis

what do you mean i have to pee AGAIN?

being hydrated is fucking annoying

Can someone explain to me what I’m talking about?

i get my best ideas when you’re in the shower

if you don’t hear from me, my doctor diagnosed me with TB, (tacobellculosis) so i’ll be taking a 6-week treatment at the Live Mas Sanatorium. ttys ily

they need to sell single cigarettes at the store. i don’t want a whole pack. i just need one sometimes

all natural, no harmful side effects

terrorizing my mind with a positive thought

medicinal making out, is this anything?

hi i woke up really sexy again

don’t do drugs (without me)

*throws the clock in the trash

time isn't real

time to tell mikey we’re back in business

Two, four, six, eight, how do we dissociate?

you are not a roadside tourist attraction you are the entire goddamn destination

The last windbreaker I got was with Marlboro miles.

sick of working, it’s time to start doing crimes for money

you’re sliding into her DMs. I’m also sliding into her DMs. we are catfishing her together and going to steal her identity.

i would sign anything handed to me by a chimpanzee in a suit

every so often a problem comes along and ruins your whole life. i am that problem.

so was the daylight saved or is it gone forever?

losing an hour on International Women’s Day feels right

for international women’s day i will be going insane

they stole an hour from women

give it up for the ladies planning their own celebration of themselves

on international women’s day we should be able to kick two men in the balls with no questions asked