Xavier Horatio Xinicit 🎉

Jokes so cheesy they make milk curdle

God I love daylight savings. Excited for my entire life to be fucked for the next 3 weeks while my body adjusts to the change. Thankful, blessed, etc

An IQ test said I was a genius at pattern recognition but obviously I already knew that.

I’m not sure I wanna be a werewolf. The whole transforming thing gives me paws.

"they died surrounded by their family and friends" and none of them did anything to help? wow

could a conscious AI do this?? *takes a fat bong rip and shotguns a coors light*

Kraft cheese is single ply

cheese AND toilet paper? in this economy?

if you give someone a mylar balloon it becomes a theirlar balloon

My ex-girlfriend is a vegetarian, which kind of makes me an ex-vegetarian.

As their day comes to a close, International Women begin returning to the sea from whence they came

I either feel nothing or everything all at once. I'm exhausted. I don't care about anything anymore, and all my cares crash around in my head like shrapnel. I don't care if the world ends, but I'm listening to my dog snore and maybe it can exist for a little longer.

Please make sure you’ve kicked enough men in the nutsack today this could be nana’s last International Women’s day you know

got mad that i was mowing the lawn in my good sweat shorts and then got madder that i have “good sweat shorts”

*after 30min* idk gang, maybe saran wrap doesn’t want to be unfolded

Why waste your time on alpha males when you can get yourself an omega man?

I am just an International Woman, drinking International Delight straight from the bottle.

hard to believe that for almost two decades i was the height of professionalism and decorum and now i can’t go an hour without rolling my eyes and doing the jerk off motion

OpenIntel | Iran Conflict Dashboard Real-time tracking of the 2026 Iran conflict across military, diplomatic, economic, and humanitarian dimensions. Cumulative map, trend charts, and sourced timeline updated hourly.

i'm tired of wading through noise about what's happening across the middle east so i've been building this. no-bullshit dashboard that pulls data from 18 international sources + other apis. maybe it will be useful for you

disclaimer: this uses a locally-hosted LLM to summarize articles

The clocks that I didn’t manually change now have their own time zones.

I have found the most effective productivity hack for AI is asking it to be proud of me.

Are single-digit billionaires the new working class?

I CANNOT JUST KEEP HIKING UP MY PANTS WHEN THINGS GO WRONG. IF I HIKE UP MY PANTS ANY FURTHER, I WILL BE DROWNING IN PANT.

Bluesky Milfia

They call us the bluesky milfs

pole = 💈

poll = 🗳️

The real challenge was trying to say “real world/road rules” without sounding stupid

Imagine being a prophet in like 2015 and trying to explain how stupid everything will get, but being unable to without mentioning affliction shirts and monster energy drinks

the weirdest part of driving one of those dune sandworms around would be where do you park it

Getting an abacus tattoo so that you can always count on me.