A screenshot of the BlueSky posts of @iss-piss-tracker.bsky.social showing the piss tank slowly emptying over the last 20 minutes
How do we alert the international space station that their piss tank has a slow leak? 😳🛰️💛
can't stop laughing at pictures of confederate vp calhoun, a great evil who was i think taxidermied a hundred years prior and puppeted remotely by the devil
talk long enough to a normie and you realize there is no such thing. inside every normie is an abnormie. and they are positively vibrating with the urge to tell someone about the misshapen puddle they saw that looked exactly like carmen sandiego
I know I’ve got some Labour local gov’t types following me, so I want to say this clearly so that you can share it internally as appropriate: I will never again vote Labour while these policies, or Wes Streeting, are in place. I will not vote Labour at any level because of this.
I think this might be on to something, and I suspect it lurks behind Labour’s current rhetoric of “tough choices.” A leader is the one who’s willing to hurt others for the greater good. So if you’re not hurting someone… you’re not a leader?
This deeply deranged pamphlet has been living rent-free in the heads of most of my friend group for over a year now. Let it infect your minds too.
And I will continue to be.
He was really whiny about it too
Was telling a Priest this story about losing horribly at Battleships to a witch, and he was like "could they see your board?" And I was like "no, Jonathan, they just Know Things. Get with the programme."
Tried to play Battleships with a Witch, and I hit one of their ships once and they hit all of my ships, one after another, missing exactly once in the entire game, and this is why you shouldn't play battleships with witches.
Sad news that there won't be a broader science expedition to Pitcairn this year. 🇵🇳
The cuts to environmental funding in the UK Overseas Territories have been brutal. First Darwin Plus, now Blue Belt.
Photos from my last visit in Feb 2024.
Yes, hello, is that God? Yeah, hi. I have a complaint. You gave me this brain that’s designed for finding berries and avoiding lions and now people are ‘just circling back’ to see if we can ‘move the needle’ on ‘key initiatives’? NONE of those things are berries.
The vicar walked into the pulpit like "this week's Gospel reading is the longest one of the year, and I'd love to preach on it, but apparently some idiots think they're starting a holy war to bring about the second coming of Christ so I've really got to address that right now..."
Incredible to read the sermon I heard on Sunday summed up so succinctly here...
CANONISE YOUR OWN SAINTS, LOVE THOSE WHO HAVE GONE BEFORE YOU 💚
Medical transition for trans kids is now banned for new referrals on the NHS. Trans kids in the UK can still go private or DIY (for now).
This means the new clinics that replaced GIDS are close to useless at best, conversion therapy at worst. 1/5
When the music finished I drove 150 miles home in heavy fog wondering how I end up in these situations.
Two messages. The first: It's 8pm and I'm sat in a freezing church listening to a band that just does folk songs about the moomins being queer The second: The bass from the gay moomin folk band has just made a small child cry
Texts I send from my normal job:
HOLY WEEK at St Nicholas Church, Leicester PALM SUNDAY: 29/03 18:30-19:30: Palm Sunday Eucharist HOLY MONDAY: 30/03 17:30-18:00: Evening Prayer HOLY TUESDAY: 31/03 17:30-18:00: Evening Prayer HOLY WEDNESDAY: 01/04 17:30-18:00: Evening Prayer MAUNDY THURSDAY: 02/04 18:30-20:00: Compline and Exposition of the Blessed Sacrament, followed by the Stripping of the Altars GOOD FRIDAY: 03/04 18:30-19:30: Taize Service HOLY SATURDAY: 04/04 12:00-15:45: Polish Easter Basket Making Workshop and Blessings 15:45-16:15: Evening Prayer EASTER SUNDAY: 05/04 06:00-10:00: Easter Fire and Breakfast 18:30-19:30: Easter Day Eucharist Find out more: www.stnicholasleicester.com/whats-on
We've got something going on every day during Holy Week - if you're in Leicester why not come on by?
The man in the bookstore told us its the ghosts that look like people that you should be most afraid of
They spent years telling me about this fantastical, non-euclidean, impossible vertical garden, and all the impossible things that could be found there, and when we finally went to Knaresborough together I was able to confirm that literally everything they had said was 100% true
Love is an active thing, you know?
You know what I love? Gifts you use every day.
I got a bookmark for Christmas and every time I read I'm reminded of the love of the people who gave it to me.
And this effect doesn't wear off. I got a frying pan as a housewarming gift years ago and I still feel warm and fuzzy when I use it.
A Saint Dies Beside the Nidd By Jay Hulme - from 'The Vanishing Song' Prostrate before God a final time I reach out my arms to the earth. This stone blooms with the millennia, this soil burrows with chitinous song; life bursts from the death of another — each earthly thing I've loved is fossil-rich, renewed, re-created, recycled, returned. Soon, I cannot consider the miracle, only this moment, so wholly my own. The breeze in the trees reminds me of the song of my mother’s womb; though I’ll only realise that later — after I’ve gone.
"Prostrate before God a final time
I reach out my arms to the earth.
This stone blooms with the millennia,
this soil burrows with chitinous song;
life bursts from the death of another —
each earthly thing I've loved is fossil-rich,
renewed, re-created, recycled, returned."
A Saint looks up from his prayers to discover he’s been dead for some time For St Robert of Knaresborough By Jay Hulme - from 'The Vanishing Song' After he retired to the cave prayer grew in him like a forest, sowed its seeds inside his psyche, rewilded his heart. He didn’t see that centuries had passed without him. One day he looked up, hearing requests for intercession, and the woods were older than expected, the riverbanks shifted by the years — and as he knelt before the altar in his hermit's church, his knees disappeared below the edges of his emptied grave.
"After he retired to the cave
prayer grew in him like a forest,
sowed its seeds inside his psyche,
rewilded his heart. He didn’t
see that centuries had passed
without him."
Jay sits cross legged on the floor by the altar and pulpit steps, gesturing as he speaks. Someone sits in the pew in front of him listening (hopefully)
Someone visiting St Nicks: "hmmm, I wonder how old this church is..."
Me, a small and gnomelike creature that lives in the walls, appearing silently and from nowhere to say: "let me tell you the secrets of this ancient and sacred place."
Me, walking into St Nicks: "anyone wanna hear a fun fact?"
Everyone in the building: "is it? Actually fun? Tho?"
Me: Absolutely!"
Me: "the architect of our north aisle died in 1885 when he tried to get off a train before it had fully stopped, and he fell between the carriages and got decapitated"
AMERICAN POETRY FANS: If you're interested in my queer folkloric poetry, you can pre-order my book (with free international shipping!) through Blackwells blackwells.co.uk/bookshop/pro... 💚
