Nathan Snakehips

Me: *Looking at my feed right now*
So...football and such? Am I right?

One of my silly friends reckons I should buy a thesaurus. What a silly idea! Why would I want a silly thesaurus?

If Lucifer ever asks you to help him pickle cucumbers, just say no!

You should never make a dill with the devil.

As I’ve said before, if you’re only interested in taking down trans people, you’re not a champion of women’s rights, you’re a bigoted piece of shit.

Personally I like to keep my friends closer than my enemies. Human shields and all that...

If there's a fire at a spa, staff are instructed to leave calmly via the fire exits and leave all non-essential oils.

Who called it camping and not "loitering within tent"?

Haha! Love it!

Do you think this place is secretly vegan?

*parachutes to roof*
*abseils to balcony*
*picks door lock*
*inserts USB drive*
*starts computer*
"Windows is installing update 1 of 43..."

One of the highlights of my weekends is when my boy comes through to our room early and wakes me up so we can watch cartoons together before my wife gets up.

I'll be sad when he grows out of it. The long lies will be nice though...

The remains of our shed scattered across the garden.

Alas, poor shed. We hardly knew ye.

I keep thinking that I'm not funny anymore. That I can never think of new jokes.

It's not strictly true though. I'm constantly making jokes for my son whenever he says something

Can I remember them when I come on social media?

If you'll pardon my French, can I fuck.

Hello! I am on threads. Look for @nates_knits

This was pretty popular when I put it on Facebook. I guess I need more Scottish people on here!

Me. Holding a glass of Port.

No, YOU'RE about to make an "any Port in a storm" joke!

I dropped a submachine gun in a bowl of custard. It's a little oozy.

I've missed this!

It's slowed a bit recently but I'm hoping to get back to it this year!

A portable toilet in the colours of an irn-bru bottle

The secret ingredient A.G Bar don't want you to know about!

I'm so glad to hear that! X

I have a friend with a horse fetish. I'm going to see him in a bit.

Hello, lovely people! All's well with me thanks (well, except for the things that aren't 😉). Hope life is treating you well!

Hiya! How's life?