Caesar’s favorite tv show was Malcolm in the Ides
11.03.2026 20:51
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tinker taylor soldier swift
10.03.2026 22:41
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DR MARIO: you have a tumor
ME: i have two more what
11.03.2026 04:31
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WAITER: careful the plate is hot
ME: challenge accepted
10.03.2026 21:03
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lox stock and two smoking briskets
10.03.2026 18:00
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CITY PLANNER: what should we call the paved path next to the street
CRAB: i have an idea
10.03.2026 16:52
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my ventriloquism act is finally ready for the radio
09.03.2026 13:56
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itsa me mar10
10.03.2026 12:06
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SHAKESPEARE: i need a cool name for the 15th of march
SCRIBE: i have an ides
SHAKESPEARE: ooh ides thats good
SCRIBE: *idea
SCRIBE:
SCRIBE: oh wait no yeah ides
10.03.2026 02:37
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the y in rhythm is just there as a question about spelling
10.03.2026 00:04
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WIFE: he calls blueberries “bloobs”
DIVORCE LAWYER: my god
09.03.2026 20:29
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got mad that i was mowing the lawn in my good sweat shorts and then got madder that i have “good sweat shorts”
08.03.2026 16:30
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Make Social Media Great Again
09.03.2026 03:06
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ugh i’m still writing one hour earlier on all my checks
09.03.2026 02:37
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A handicap blue and white painted sign on the asphalt of a parking space. The symbols are meant to be a pregnant women and a baby stroller, but it doesn't look like that. It looks like pac man being killed with scissors next to a dancer
Twerkers at the barbeque get priority parking 🫡
08.03.2026 20:25
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pretty wild how every international woman was born today
08.03.2026 17:54
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we did it you guys we saved daylight
05.11.2023 14:29
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WARIO: haha i just drank your lemonade
MARIO: that was a urine sample
WARIO: a what
MARIO: itsa wee wario
08.03.2026 04:35
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I'll spring forward when I'm dead (I've rigged my coffin to catapult my body across the reception room)
09.03.2025 05:48
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don't forget to let your phones & digital clocks automatically set themselves forward an hour tonight
09.03.2024 23:47
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If you smell toast, you might be having a stroke... a stroke of luck that is. It’s toast time.
03.03.2026 21:16
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why do we have to move our clocks ahead? why not afoot or abutt
07.03.2026 18:25
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i vibed that he was going to murder me first your honor
07.03.2026 15:29
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Legs: okay wow
07.03.2026 15:24
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A Hello to Arms
07.03.2026 14:58
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that’s just crazy
07.03.2026 04:07
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ME: if the part of pants you put your leg in is called a pant leg then the part of a shirt you put your arm in should be called a shirt arm
MAGICIAN: ok, nothing up my shirt arm
07.03.2026 04:05
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we must reduce our dependence on carbon. please, switch to spaghetti solarara
07.03.2026 03:49
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why are taters the only thing we’ve totted
06.03.2026 21:10
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the worst part of going bald has to be letting go of your ratatouille fantasy
07.03.2026 00:55
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