CrazyFeralCatLady

I can’t believe how old people my age are.

I know what my role is and I play her very well.

I wish my life was as mysterious as one shoe on the side of the highway.

crazy how it gets a little sunnier and the air gets a little warmer and suddenly i have a tiny flicker of hope

Should we try turning America off and back on again and see if it starts working?

[Crawling out of the dumpster behind your work] hey bestie

I feel like the word titular should mean something other than what it means.

Harry Styles sounds like a made-up name that Big Foot would use to sneak into a fashion show.

The too-poor-to-buy-anything-at-the-scholastic-book-fair to book-hoarder pipeline

my posts are made the old-fashioned way (being insane)

the plight of the bisexual thought daughter growing up in a family of conservatives.

“grok tell me how to feel about the US government bombing an elementary school”

don’t forget to destroy your clocks tonight, walk away from your mortgage, just start driving, you’re free

Ruin a dad’s week by saying the TV display looks weird and refusing to elaborate

My "Death to America" t shirt is raising zero questions

Ben Shapiro’s eyebrows are just a distraction from the Epstein list!

God gives his hardest fecal impactions to his toughest soldiers who go overboard with the jelly beans.

The best thing about the internet is how everyone understands irony.

Body: we’re a morning person now

Brain: the fuck we are

The subtle art of climbing out of the darkness.

Just a girl who can't commit to sticker placements

Would you guys still like me if I ever made any sense?

Don't trust big swiffer

I used to be funny. I fear the lexapro has other plans, apparently.

WIFE: he calls blueberries “bloobs”

DIVORCE LAWYER: my god

Diaphoretic af

Nobody warns you about how coffee will quite literally be the only thing to look forward to as an adult.

Concerned that I'm not worrying enough

Tell the government I want my hour back

revenge is a dish best served after I’ve licked everything on the plate