Amazon Connect now lets you select different From email addresses when sending emails
AWS just discovered the "Reply-To" field exists. Congrats on reinventing email headers as a "capability"! Can't wait to see the pricing tiers for this revolutionary feature that Outlook had in 1997.
Amazon EC2 High Memory U7i instances now available in additional regions
AWS now lets you rent 12TB of RAM in Spain because apparently someone's SAP HANA bill wasn't quite painful enough. The instance name is u7i-12tb.224xlarge, which rolls right off the tongue.
Amazon EC2 R7gd instances are now available in South America (Sao Paulo) Region
AWS finally brings R7gd instances to São Paulo! That's "memory-optimized Graviton3 with local NVMe storage" for those who don't speak AWS alphabet soup. Perfect for when you need expensive scratch space in Brazil.
Amazon EC2 C8gd and M8gd instances are now available in additional AWS Regions
AWS launches C8gd/M8gd instances with 11.4TB storage in 2 whole regions! 12 sizes because why make naming simple? "Up to 30% faster*" (*than our own old chips we want you to stop using)
Amazon EC2 C8id instances are now available in Europe (Spain)
AWS launches C8id instances in Spain: 43% faster, 3.3x more bandwidth! Also available in 5 other regions we forgot to hype. Buy via On-Demand, Spot, or Savings Plans (translation: expensive, cheaper but unreliable, or commit now).
Amazon CloudWatch Database Insights on-demand analysis now available in AWS Govcloud (US) Regions
AWS finally brings ML-powered database diagnostics to GovCloud, because nothing says "cutting edge" like features that arrived everywhere else first. Now with 47% more "Insights" in the product name!
Amazon Connect now provides integrated workflows for managers to coach agents
AWS Connect adds a feature to tell call center workers they suck at their jobs, now with built-in receipts. Because nothing says "employee development" like your boss screenshotting your failures in real-time.
Amazon Bedrock AgentCore Runtime now supports stateful MCP server features
AWS invented "AgentCore Runtime" to run MCP servers in microVMs with "elicitation" and "sampling" - fancy words for "asking questions" and "using an LLM." Now available in 14 regions you can't afford!
Amazon Bedrock now supports observability of First Token Latency and Quota Consumption
AWS adds metrics to tell you how slow their AI is and when you're about to hit arbitrary quota limits they invented. Revolutionary! Next they'll charge you to monitor the charges for monitoring.
AWS Builder ID now supports Sign in with GitHub and Amazon
AWS finally lets you sign into their stuff with GitHub or Amazon accounts. Because nothing says "we're confident in our auth" like needing 5 different OAuth providers to convince people to use your training portal.
Amazon Connect enhances AI-powered predictive insights
Amazon Connect now spams your customers 14% more accurately across 40M products! "AI-powered predictive insights" = abandoned cart nags. Pay-as-you-go to annoy people in 8 regions. Marketing spoke for "we built a recommendation engine."
Amazon SageMaker Unified Studio now supports faster data preview in Visual ETL
AWS invented "running queries in your browser" and called it SageMaker Unified Studio Data Preview v2.0. They're so proud they offloaded compute costs to your laptop while still charging you for S3 reads. Revolutionary!
Amazon Route 53 Global Resolver is now generally available
AWS just launched "Global Resolver" because apparently "DNS server" wasn't confusing enough. It resolves DNS globally! Revolutionary! Next up: Amazon Water Hydration Solution (it's a cup). 30-day free trial before the billing surprise hits.
Amazon OpenSearch Service now supports in-place volume increases for all volume sizes
AWS OpenSearch now lets you resize volumes over 3TB without downtime! Except the first time. Then you need downtime. Also not if you shrink. Or resize too fast. But other than that, totally seamless! 🙄
Amazon Connect now supports conversational analytics for email
AWS now reads your customer emails for you, redacts the good parts, and charges you per character analyzed. Because nothing says "innovation" like automated email categorization in 2024. Available in 9 regions you can't afford.
Amazon Connect introduces AI-powered manager assistance (Preview)
AWS built a chatbot to tell you which call center metrics are failing. It's in preview, costs TBD, and requires begging your account team for access. Just what every manager needed: AI to confirm they're drowning.
Amazon Quick Suite launches User Preferences for chat personalization
AWS just announced you can now tell "Amazon Quick Suite" your name and it'll remember if you like a chat window open. This required a press release. In 2024.
Amazon EC2 G7e instances now available in Asia Pacific (Seoul) and Europe (Spain) regions
AWS launches G7e instances with GPUs nobody can pronounce in regions you didn't ask for. 2.3x faster at burning your budget! Now available in 5 regions. Pricing? LOL, check back next quarter.
IAM Roles Anywhere now supports post-quantum digital certificates
AWS adds quantum-resistant signatures to IAM Roles Anywhere because apparently the threat model now includes "attacker with working quantum computer" before "engineer who can understand our pricing calculator"
Amazon Cognito is now available in Asia Pacific (Taipei) and Asia Pacific (New Zealand) Regions
Cognito finally reaches Taipei and Auckland, because nothing says "implement secure auth in minutes" like spending hours deciphering which of their 47 pricing dimensions applies to your use case.
Amazon CloudWatch Logs announces increased query concurrency and API limits
AWS generously raises CloudWatch Logs query limits from "pathetically low" to "still probably not enough" - now 100 whole concurrent queries! They throttled you before, but don't worry, they'll find new ways to charge you.
Amazon SageMaker Unified Studio adds light mode support for IAM-based domains
AWS just announced light mode for SageMaker Unified Studio like it's revolutionary. In 2024. For a product nobody asked for with a name that sounds like a focus group had a stroke. Next up: they'll charge you per lumen.
Amazon Redshift introduces new array functions for semi-structured data processing
AWS just added 9 array functions to Redshift that every other database has had for years. They named the data type "SUPER" because apparently their marketing team is stuck in 1995. Congrats on reinventing SQL!
Amazon Redshift introduces reusable templates for COPY operations
AWS just discovered the concept of "saving your settings" and is treating it like they invented fire. Redshift COPY command now has templates! You know, that revolutionary feature called "presets" that's existed since 1987.
Amazon EventBridge Scheduler now provides a higher default quota for the CreateSchedule API
AWS raised EventBridge Scheduler's API limit to 5000/sec because apparently someone needed to schedule "billions of events" but couldn't be bothered to ask for a quota increase first.
OpenSearch OR2 and OM2 instances in AWS GovCloud (US-East, US-West) Regions
AWS launches OR2 & OM2 instances with "up to" performance gains that sound impressive until you realize they're comparing against their own previous overpriced instances. Now in 12 more regions you didn't ask for!
Amazon Redshift Serverless now maintains datashare permissions during restore
AWS just announced Redshift Serverless now remembers datashare permissions after restores. Congrats on fixing a bug you shipped as a feature! Only took however long for "serverless" to preserve basic state like it's 2024.
Amazon EC2 R8g instances now available in additional regions
AWS launches R8g instances in 3 more regions because apparently "faster memory-intensive compute" wasn't confusing enough without adding more geographic pricing variations. 30% better performance means 30% more billable opportunities! 🎉
Amazon EC2 I8ge instances now generally available in Europe (Ireland) AWS region.
AWS launches I8ge instances with 120TB storage but links you to Graviton docs and I7ie pages. Even their own announcement can't keep the naming straight. Pricing? LOL, you'll find out.
Amazon EC2 M8g instances now available in additional regions
M8g instances now in 6 more regions! 30% faster than M7g, which was revolutionary last year. Graviton4 is amazing until Graviton5 launches next quarter. Pricing? Check back after your first bill arrives.
