The most popular president was John F Candy.
#LunchPun
@jpkeates.com
A dyslexic genius with a brian the size of a planet. Retired. British male; socially awkward. Profile Image - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.
The most popular president was John F Candy.
#LunchPun
The problem with America is that it voted in a president who thinks the best solution to the Trolley Problem is more trolleys.
I blame the same person who spelt it Cyclops.
Weird that there is not a single i in monocle
Not saying my wife was naive, but she thought lesbians were french baths.
#LunchPun
I always remember the advice my grandfather gave me: if you attribute any old bollocks to an elderly relative, people will read it.
I think springtime is making the wife frisky; the outer cardigan has been loosened.
As a head teacher, you have to be very careful about stuff like that.
Bear's sons shit in wood.
It's only a "crafty" wank if you do it by hand at home.
How come thereβs never been a famous artist called Drew?
A new animated musical where a Korean football team kick the crap out of evil spirits.
KPop Norman Hunters
When my wife cooks, I eat like a king. Every mouthful might be poison.
You should see the ones I don't post!
It's a pun on English slang. A bin man is someone who collects the garbage each week. In the north of the country been is sometimes pronounced bin. "I've bin out", "he's bin seen!". So been man.
"It was the last thing my mother said to me". Me, explaining my "Don't switch that off" tattoo.
She invited me to a local "pub cum restaurant". Never been so disappointed.
#LunchPun
#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary
Bin Man - A post-operative trans woman in Yorkshire.
#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary
Loss Leaders - The Spanish Government.
#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary
Latex-My former partner is deceased
A surprising number of people still think that F. Scott Fitgerald was the authorβs name and not a chant created by his critics.
Torpedos are just pedophiles on the dark web.
#LunchPun
#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary LEGROOM: A Frenchman on his wedding day.
who called it horse shit when whinny the poo was right there
Couldn't we crowdfund to pay John Davidson a life-changing amount of money to follow Boris Johnson around for the rest of his life?
Most massively optimistic estimates:
Fry onions until soft and "caramelised"
Hot air clothes drier
Oven chip cooking times
Wife minutes until ready
Victory in a new Western Asian war
"You were bitten by a radio-active camera?" My last words as a TV studio manager.
#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary SNUFFBOX: A coffin.
The shop it's parked in front of is having some kind of orgasm.