mεℓɩssα 🇨🇦 (@melpollen)

Day 1 of begging @dropkickmurphys.com to please play Spicy Mchaggis at their Ottawa show 🙏🙏🙏

28.08.2025 18:22 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Just once, when a girl scout knocks, I want to open the door dressed as the Cookie Monster and go fucking nuts.

19.05.2025 15:29 👍 37 🔁 11 💬 1 📌 0

Sorry guys I keep forgetting this place exists

29.04.2025 21:01 👍 2 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0

*extremely @cinemasinsofficial.bsky.social voice* they said 'let's have him eating an apple so people will know he's an asshole'

29.04.2025 21:01 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Yayyy

11.03.2025 21:20 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Yayyy you're here

11.03.2025 21:16 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0

Lol 4 year olds are smarter than we give them credit for 😂

01.02.2025 00:46 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

One of the most traumatic moments in my childhood was learning that piñatas don't come already stuffed with candy

28.01.2025 01:25 👍 21 🔁 5 💬 1 📌 0

More nightmares probably lol

26.01.2025 14:14 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Lol oh noooo. I use it for everything 🤣

25.01.2025 22:53 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0

Buying these sheets so I can say I Excel in bed

25.01.2025 17:15 👍 36 🔁 9 💬 4 📌 0

Telling girl friends you're losing weight: that's awesome, you'll feel so much healthier and more confident, etc etc

Telling guy friends you're losing weight: don't lose weight in your tits

22.01.2025 18:50 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Apparently today is Blue Monday, the most depressing day of the year.

Pretty fitting that today is also inauguration day, the most depressing day of the next 4 years.

20.01.2025 18:36 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0

Sorry I yelled 'go go gadget boner' at your dick during sexytime but you said you were into foreplay

16.01.2025 03:06 👍 2 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0

Work: work from the office, it'll be fun

Also work: here's your new desk, you're missing a chair, a monitor, and your phone doesn't work, good luck!

15.01.2025 17:42 👍 3 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0

I've been keto for 24 hours why have I not dropped 60lbs yet this is bullshit 😂

13.01.2025 17:50 👍 1 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0

Me: Why am I single?

Also me:

07.01.2025 21:06 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

It's giving post-apocalyptic Zoolander 😂

03.01.2025 20:12 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Choo fuckin choo 🙄🤦🏼‍♀️

02.01.2025 06:14 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

And here I am, once again, back on the overthinking express. Choo choo!

01.01.2025 21:05 👍 12 🔁 6 💬 1 📌 0

You got this bud 👊 I believe in you. Hmu if you need an ear or whatever. You're not alone 💜

31.12.2024 14:13 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

It doesn't have to be the new you. It may be you for a while, but there's a way out of it, you just gotta find it. Lots of treatment options out there, one will eventually click and help lift that heavy grey cloud off you

31.12.2024 13:36 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0