Latest posts tagged with #AutChat on Bluesky
#AutChat A2: I ended up going on a date which ended up in a friendship rather than a relationship. He gave me great advice for dating. Ask the other person questions, make sure they know you’re interested in what they’re saying, and be open about your neurodiversity so they know what to expect.
#AutChat A1: I found it much easier online rather than in person. I don’t pick up on social cues very well so flirting in person went over my head. I found it easier to be straightforward by exchanging messages on dating sites and having time to think about responses before replying.
That, in a nutshell, is my main problem with Love On The Spectrum.
Watching that show I feel like kids are dressing their kittens in doll clothes and then forcing them to kith.
#AutChat
I also believe the normative distinction between “intense friendship” and “romantic relationship” isn’t felt for many Autistics.
So thinking deeply about what sort of relationships you do and don’t want in your life, outside normative expectations, is essential for getting what you want.
#AutChat
So to answer the #AutChat question
Going to noisy cafes and restaurants with rank strangers expecting to feel them out for *spark* ain’t gonna work for a lot of us.
Chatting intensely online for a year then meeting up in a graveyard? Maybe that’s the ticket.
Demisexuality means forming an emotional connection with someone before experiencing sexual attraction to them.
For some, this takes years. But time isn’t *necessarily* the thing here. Autistics can form deep emotional connections over shared interests over comparatively little time.
#AutChat
In fact, I go so far as to say demisexuality should be considered the default sexuality among Autistics as this keeps more of us safer.
#AutChat
All Autistics (especially) benefit from exposure to asexual vocabulary. Demisexuality seems especially prevalent among us. For demisexuals, regular dating culture where people are expected to either feel a *spark* or not on a first date is a bad fit.
#AutChat
Feel free to suggest ideas for #AutChat topics (or offer to help write questions)! For scheduled topics, see autchat.com
Every topic we've ever run: autchat.com/all-topics/ We're happy to rerun past chats we haven't revisited in a while, especially now that we’re on a new platform!
Reminder: We don’t currently create transcripts of #AutChat.
We’ll update these intro/outro posts if that changes in the future.
Next Sunday’s #AutChat is on animals and pets. March 22, 1pm Pacific / 4pm Eastern / 20:00 UTC / 8pm GMT on BlueSky. autchat.com/animals-and-...
If you know anyone who might be interested and is autistic or similarly neurodivergent, we encourage you to invite them.
The scheduled #AutChat is wrapping up. It's fine to keep chatting, join in late, or use the tag at other times!
What I am saying here is that there might be difference between "this is how I expect things should go" and "this is how things are actually going" and "this is how I wish they could go."
I feel like all of these things are good to be aware of.
#AutChat A4
*takes a deep breath*
There was a time when I thought I was a guy (I am not) and there was a time when I thought I was straight (I am not) and I started developing feelings for this guy...
This did not match my understanding of the universe.
I regret not saying anything to him.
#AutChat A4
#AutChat A4: I would love to answer this question, but I honestly have nothing. I was entirely serious when I said that every romantic relationship I've had was initiated by my partner.
Good luck out there. Be honest about what people are signing up for with you, I guess.
Q4: What advice would you give to an autistic or similarly neurodivergent person who is interested in finding a partner?
#AutChat
#AutChat A3d: I said, "You told me we weren't doing that anymore."
She said, "The moment was romantic and we probably would have dated if you'd done it."
I said, "You SAID we WEREN'T DOING THAT anymore!"
We never dated.
#AutChat A3c: Then we were out somewhere one night, sitting on a rock in a field looking at the stars, and she leaned her head on my shoulder, and we chatted and hung out for a while until we had to go.
She told me a year later that I should have kissed her that night.
#AutChat A3b: I think of one girl I had a...I don't know what we were. But there was a point where we were making out, and then she decided we needed to stop, and told me we weren't doing that anymore. So I stopped. Because she said we weren't doing that anymore.
#AutChat A3a: Since I didn't know I was autistic, that was not a consideration at the time. Looking back, though, I see it.
The big one was clear communication. I needed better communication than I was usually getting, and not having a good way to make people see that was a massive problem.
Honestly though, I feel like when I think about potentially cohabitating with another human being, trying to decide what we watch on TV together seems like it would be a daunting task for me.
Like, that's my number one fear is not being able to pick a show we both like LOL
#AutChat A3
So I think there's going to be some level of conversation around figuring out how much together time my hypothetical partner and I would want to have, and how much alone time we would like to have.
And how to navigate shared, as well as unshared, interests.
#AutChat A3
For me, I think there's a certain amount of wanting to spend time with people, and also a certain amount of wanting to be alone.
And I know how rejection sensitivity dysphoria works with all of this.
And "I need to be alone for a bit" does not equal "I do not like you."
#AutChat A3
I feel like this is more of a "how to socialize" thing more than anything, but I feel like I am trying to spend more time checking in with others in terms of energy levels and social batteries and the like.
#AutChat A3
Q3: If you have looked for a partner, have you needed to do things differently based on being autistic or similar?
#AutChat
And look.... I will agree with you that there are times when she should, in fact, stop trying to date this "love interest" person and start dating her best friend instead.
And this is probably true.
But.
Sometimes "best friend" and "date" are not the same person.
#AutChat A2
#AutChat A2: I basically didn't get advice. Relatives would tell me I should get a girlfriend, and I'd ask how to do that, and mostly I'd get some variant of "eh, you're smart and attractive, I'm sure it'll work out."
I mean, it did, but that wasn't particularly helpful.
Hear me out though...
In all those major romcoms, the main character always has her primary love interest, and also the best friend who plays the role of wingwoman.
It's like.... they're always separate people.
#AutChat A2
Let's see....
Abigail likes amethysts.
Oh wait, you're talking IRL and not Stardew Valley.
Hmm.
OK so people tell me "date your best friend" and I get confused bc I always thought that "significant other" and "best friend" were two different people.
I don't understand it.
#AutChat A2
#AutChat A1b: But one thing that does stand out is that I basically never initiated any of the actual relationships I had. I asked a few people out over the years, but it never went anywhere. Every woman I actually dated approached me first. A couple of them just kinda told me we were dating now.
