*49ers-Rams (❌): Are the 49ers trying to steal the Rams' zombie cred?
*Vikings-Browns (✅): When you're making Kirk Cousins look clutch, then that's not a good sign no matter what country you're in.
*Giants-Saints (❌): Giant butterfingers.
*Broncos-Eagles (❌): Why do I feel like this will break something in Philly, and not in a good way?
*Texans-Ravens (✅): Why of course the Ravens wait to implode until the Bengals are too broken to respond.
*Raiders-Colts (✅): I was literally just thinking that the Raiders won't as ungodly awful this year lol
*Cowboys-Jets (✅): Dak REALLY wants to try for an MVP one more time before he inevitably gets Romo'd, huh?
*Dolphins-Panthers (❌): Forget any bland jokes about how cooked the Fins are, because let's just focus on how great it is to have Hornets guy commentating NFL games now!
*Buccaneers-Seahawks (❌): Imagine telling people during the original Expansion Tank Bowl of '76 that this was the type of game these two would produce 50 years later? And also that their quarterbacks in that game would have such freaking weird careers?
*Titans-Cardinals (❌): Forget generational trauma, because now Zoomer Cardinals fans have their own special version of "They are who we thought they were!"
*Lions-Bengals (✅): Like I said, absolutely broken. And I don't think putting an Elite arm punter behind that wet paper O-line is gonna help much.
*Commanders-Chargers (❌): Damn, the Chargers aren't going to Charger early, are they?
*Patriots-Bills (❌): Drake Maye have figured it out now!
*Chiefs-Jaguars (❌): Jacksonville is truly the NFL's Twilight Zone. You may not lose there often as a visiting team, but if you do, it may be in a way you sure as hell won't forget. In the Chiefs' case, a pick-six and The Trip-Six that have K.C. in all the more trouble.
2025 Week 5 Picks: 5/14, or 35.7% (14.3% worse than Week 5 last year, and my worst week of picks to date 😭)
2025 Picks so far (Weeks 1-5): 55.5/78, or 71.2% (down 7.7% from last week)
(Also just ignore my stats from last year besides week-by-week since I think I miscounted on some of those lol)
SortaSports: SortaPicks (slightly late) NFL Week 5 Review #nfl #nflpicks #nflpredictions #nflreview #week5 #nflweek5