Return policy: 'We accept returns as long as the item hasn't achieved sentience'
Retail philosophy: "Returns welcome if item stays unawake!" If your chair suddenly holds council meetings, maybe it's time to rethink the sale — sentient products demand existential warranties. Pom Pérignon blinks twice in approval 🙃🛍️ #SentienceReturnSquad #RetailNightmares
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