Pitch an unnecessary sequel
Don't Look Up Again
12.03.2026 04:45
👍 20
🔁 4
💬 0
📌 7
Pitch an unnecessary sequel
Old Yeller 2
12.03.2026 04:52
👍 6
🔁 1
💬 1
📌 1
Pitch an unnecessary sequel
A River Runs Through It, Too
12.03.2026 04:50
👍 2
🔁 1
💬 0
📌 2
Some things you don't need to know. Live a little.
12.03.2026 04:48
👍 13
🔁 3
💬 2
📌 0
....remembers there are brownies in the freezer
12.03.2026 04:48
👍 9
🔁 1
💬 0
📌 0
the la croix is coming from inside the refrigerator
12.03.2026 03:44
👍 37
🔁 7
💬 0
📌 1
The roasting pan is coming out.
12.03.2026 03:39
👍 1
🔁 0
💬 0
📌 0
16 year old me: don’t tell me what to do
33 year old me: tell me what to do
11.03.2026 21:54
👍 81
🔁 16
💬 2
📌 0
tickle your taint for a tuppence, good sir?
12.03.2026 02:31
👍 50
🔁 8
💬 10
📌 0
I think we should be able to punch a coworker in the face when they deserve it.
11.03.2026 15:03
👍 75
🔁 12
💬 17
📌 0
Wait til I start doing Elvis impersonations
12.03.2026 02:32
👍 47
🔁 2
💬 6
📌 0
Also, I'm from the mothership...
12.03.2026 02:30
👍 1
🔁 0
💬 0
📌 0
Anyone else unload the dishwasher just enough to load today's dishes?
12.03.2026 02:24
👍 8
🔁 2
💬 4
📌 0
*shaves my pubic hair into porkchop sideburns
12.03.2026 02:23
👍 72
🔁 12
💬 16
📌 1
If I had a mustache, I’d have handlebars cause I’m fancy like that.
12.03.2026 02:12
👍 29
🔁 5
💬 1
📌 0
I can explain....I ate PlayDoh as a child.
12.03.2026 02:21
👍 3
🔁 0
💬 1
📌 0
Unless someone wants to carry me, I'm not moving. It's a couch sleepover tonight. 💀
12.03.2026 02:16
👍 23
🔁 4
💬 2
📌 0
When I feel lonely, I do laundry and when I get the clothes out of the dryer, I get a big warm hug
12.03.2026 01:55
👍 85
🔁 10
💬 9
📌 1
i want to fart a fart so grand it lifts me off the couch for a second
12.03.2026 02:01
👍 52
🔁 17
💬 5
📌 1
If i had light-up shoes, I would be stomping around like a dinosaur.
Hold up.. 👀 check it.. I *need* light up-shoes, so I can stomp around and pretend to be a dinosaur.
11.03.2026 23:28
👍 23
🔁 4
💬 3
📌 1
A reese's thin peanut butter cup sandwiched between two reese's oreo cookies.
I cannot be stopped
12.03.2026 01:23
👍 112
🔁 16
💬 19
📌 1
Bluesky is just Twitter’s retirement community
12.03.2026 00:14
👍 126
🔁 27
💬 23
📌 1
could someone go pee for me. i don't wanna get up
11.03.2026 21:38
👍 29
🔁 15
💬 1
📌 0
Pro tip: Whenever someone asks you what your weekend plans are just say you are super busy. Otherwise you can find yourself doing what they have in mind because you had no plans.
11.03.2026 19:16
👍 35
🔁 15
💬 1
📌 0
I’ve only had a couple of rude customers so far today. But I have style. I have grace. I did not punch them in the face.
11.03.2026 21:03
👍 49
🔁 17
💬 5
📌 0
Next cook: using my brine?
11.03.2026 23:34
👍 1
🔁 0
💬 1
📌 0
Add a letter, ruin a song
I wanna know what glove is
11.03.2026 22:37
👍 9
🔁 4
💬 0
📌 1
*types out post*
*anticipates replies*
*deletes post*
11.03.2026 21:53
👍 137
🔁 50
💬 15
📌 0
