"I can imagine what you must think of me," she murmured, eyes fixed upon the ground. She rolled her shoulders, recalling the promise Sidurgu had exacted from her, and righted her posture. "But I am not ashamed. I… love Elidibus, for better or for worse. I will not apologize for it, or for trying to find a common way forward with him."
He made a gruff sound in his throat but nodded. "Far be it from me to demand any such thing of you, friend." Kit's posture relaxed, and she let out a breath she had forgotten about. Estinien stopped, Chocopie letting an annoyed kweh and nipping at him. Estinien rested a hand upon her shoulder, looking slightly down to her eyes. "I do not pretend to understand the full of the burden which you carry, but I have seen first hand the weight it places upon your shoulders. You are kind, and determined. The trail you blaze is one of love, and I stand here today in part because your heart is too big for you. You persevere where you should give up, and every life you touch is better for it."
"I…" She blinked, tears pressing against the backs of her eyes once more. "You do not know what that means to me."
"I have an idea." He smiled, a softness rarely seen by very few in his dark blue eyes. "I imagine it is a simple thing to forgive a person who has never made mistakes. No such person exists." He lifted and dropped a shoulder. "Perhaps—"
"—Aymeric."
They shared a momentary chuckle, something which a few minutes prior would have felt out of place.
"You have, many times I have seen and been at the receiving end of, found it in you to forgive and love those whom others would condemn. To care for one who is hated by many is no simple thing. Would that they could have lived to know how they change who we are even now." Kit nodded, understanding his meaning fully. She was not the only one who held a lost primal within their heart. "You carry your own Sohr Khai." He let his hand fall away from her shoulder. "Do not let it become all you are."
"Estinien, you do not have to—"
"No. I do." He considered a moment. "Whatever is to come, I have your back. If you love this Ascian, then I support you." He thought for a time before continuing. "I agreed to seek you out, nothing more. If you wish to go back to Mor Dhona, I am at your side. Should you wish to disappear, I can see you succeed."
It was certainly tempting. Kit would have been lying if she said the thought of running back to Ishgard, back to Sidurgu and Rielle did not appeal. That begging them to run away with her had not made heavy her steps all this way. But just as she had put all these strides between herself and Ishgard, she marched toward a life they'd helped prepare her for. It was a disservice to them—to herself—to do any such thing as undoing that now.
"No," she said as she shook her head. "No, it's time for me to go back. I know the Scions care for me, even if they do not understand me. Would not understand this. I found what I needed in my Dark Knight training, and now I have another mission."
His head tilted in question.
"Elidibus' soul." When he lifted an eyebrow, she once again explained her understanding of the state of it. "Perhaps I could not save him. Perhaps I…" She worked her lips and struggled to put voice to the words. "I am the cause of this state. I killed him. I owe it to him—to how he loved me—to try and free him." She shook her head. "I shall not merely try. I will free him."
"I believe in you." He nodded ahead of them, indicating they should continue on. "Only a fool would do otherwise."
They fell into stride again. The quiet that existed between them was comfortable, soothing in a way. A different sort of comfort from the cloak of darkness that had enshrouded and united her and Sidurgu, or the satin black ribbon of Darkness which bound her hand to Elidibus', but no less needed. Or wanted. Maybe, just maybe, this return would be less uncomfortable than she was anxiously anticipating. Since their travel was easy, she let it be easy, and very else needed said until they arrived at the Rising Stones.
Estinien stood in the road and looked intently toward the entrance. Kit did not need to ask to know that they both had reservations about entering, each for their own reasons.
"You don't have to come in," she said. "You did what you said you would do."
"I might say the same of you," he noted with a lighthearted throat sound. "What say we book a ship and find a decent meal?"
Kit let a sharp chuckle. "Do not tempt me." She looked toward the doors. "This is hard enough."
Emotional Support Estinien™️
archiveofourown.org/works/641170...
I Am Not a Martyr, I'm a Problem on AO3.
#KitHareington | #FicRec