*Packers-Lions (❌): Turns out other than Ebeflus's Chi-legendary flameout cameo, the Calvin Johnson Thanksgiving Curse is very much alive in Detroit. And now it's becoming a genuine concern if the same will hold true for the Bobby Layne Curse longer than quite a few of us expected not too long ago.
*Chiefs-Cowboys (❌): All I can say about Kansas City is that you know people are ready to see you knocked down a peg or so when the country was rooting for the damn Cowboys to knock you down.
*Bengals-Ravens (❌): You have no idea how long it feels like it's been since we just had a good, solid, convincing win, and I'll enjoy it while it lasts. (Even if any sort of last-ditch hot streak is definitely far too little, far too late to matter in the long run besides having the horrific side effect of getting Taylor and Tobin extended another 5 years by that nepo baby dunce drolling about in the Patcor suite ugh)
*Bears-Eagles (✅): Hey, it wasn't just Upset-itis that prompted me to make this pick. The Eagles have all the earmarks of a team ready to implode, especially with the buffoons they have at HC and OC. They look so dreadful now that I honestly have even less of an idea of how we can judge the Bears, but damn, what a dream season for them after the last 6 years of crap!
*Jaguars-Titans (✅): Most normal Jaguars win in a while because the Titans are just that useless.
*49ers-Browns (✅): San Fran needed to stay in this dogfight of a division and did exactly what they needed to. (Also insert Shedeur Sanders headline again)
*Texans-Colts (❌): We saw a great display of momentum changing in this division and an even greater display of refball at damn near its very finest!
*Falcons-Jets (❌): It's actually crazy just how good the Falcons franchise is at never going anywhere no matter how much they go into a season swearing this will be different.
*Rams-Panthers (❌): WHO THE HELL EVEN WANTS TO WIN THE SUPER BOWL ANYMORE?!? LIKE ARE ALL 1,696 OF YOU PLAYERS ACTUALLY THAT SCARED OF NAVIGATING SANTA CLARA TRAFFIC AGAIN?!? WHAT EVEN IS THIS SEASON?!?
*Saints-Dolphins (✅): The Dolphins nearly had one of the quietest historic collapses ever, but it turns out that the Saints are too pathetic to do anything interesting even when nobody's watching.
*Cardinals-Buccaneers (✅): Good news, Tampa! Despite Todd Bowles's best efforts, Baker's arm isn't completely baked! And thanks to the Cardinals in one-score games being the Cardinals in one-score games, you sneak out with the win for at least a little breathing room! Just remember, however, that Cats in mirror may be closer than they appear.
*Vikings-Seahawks (✅): I'd say that the Vikes' pain this year has been taken to the Max, but this is fucking Minnesota so I'm not even sure if this cracks their top 5 most painful seasons this century.
*Raiders-Chargers (✅): Not even Brock Bowers making what stood for like 2 hours as the unquestioned best catch of the year against an AFC West team (honestly, I still think it has a case, holy shit) was anywhere close to enough to save Vegas as the Chargers reaffirmed their spot as this division's 2nd best hope of burying the Chiefs.
*Bills-Steelers (✅): This can't be it, right? It has to be too good to be true. The Steelers may NOT bullshit into another 9-8 Super Bowl? No, don't celebrate yet. But damn, does it feel so close, yet so far away.
*Broncos-Commanders (✅): A game that looked worthy of a flex going in became one of the Games of the Year, with Treylon Burks of all people coming out of nowhere to make the other best catch of the year against an AFC West team (and also at least a top 2 one-handed grab in SNF history). In the end, despite how suspect Denver continues to look, they ultimately locked down by the slimmest of margins, in the process all but assuring both their own return trip to postseason ball in January and especially Washington's delayed return trip to the fishing docks in January despite a great fight from Marcus Mariota and company.
*Giants-Patriots (✅): I'm afraid there were no Helmet Catches to save the G-Men this time around, and the same may very well be said about saving us from a deep Pats run just like in the days of Brady.
(Bring out the body bags, and lots of them) 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th teams voted out of the 2025 playoff race: Arizona Cardinals, New Orleans Saints, Tennessee Titans, and Las Vegas Raiders. The tribe has spoken.
[torches snuffed Survivor-style]
Commanders and Jets, your torches remain alight for at least one more week.
2025 Week 13 Picks: 10/16, or 62.5%
2025 Picks so far (Weeks 1-13): 129.5/194, or 66.8%
SortaSports: SortaPicks 2025 NFL Week 13 Recap #nfl #nflrecap #week13 #nflweek13 #sortapicks #sortasports