*Cowboys-Lions (✅): Well, cute little run Dallas had of exposing fellow frauds. Too bad the football gods decided they had fucked over Detroit enough times in Lions-Cowboys games and decided to turn it around the other way for once.
*Seahawks-Falcons (✅): Behold how not to run a team in the 2nd half of a football game (and also how not to run a wannabe contender in general)
*Titans-Browns (❌): As much as I've felt like defending Stefanski for a while (speaking as someone who really doesn't like the Browns), that 2-pointer alone really feels like the dagger.
*Commanders-Vikings (❌): At least McCarthy finally had a good game with the season cooked?
*Bengals-Bills (✅): It probably doesn't say something good about this team that this may have been one of their most agonizing losses in a season filled with them, and I legit feel absolutely nothing at this point. If anything, I'm glad Josh Allen immediately killed any delusions some dared to have of a Steelers-esque meaningless 9-8 push, so that way there'd be even a slight chance of the band-aid-ripping this franchise badly needs to begin a month from now.
*Steelers-Ravens (❌): So, Baltimore, your season may have been ruined by the football gods making their love of the increasingly mid Steelers abundantly clear? First time?
*Dolphins-Jets (✅): The Dolphins may be on the single most ignorable hot streak we'll see all season (probably in part because they're feasting on the underbelly of the league). But hey, Tua finally won a game at all in the cold, so may as well celebrate it like it's that 3rd Lombardi Trophy you've spent the last 30 years doing absolutely nothing to get remotely close to.
*Saints-Buccaneers (❌): Carolina having a very real shot at this division thanks to Tampa imploding sounds pretty on-brand for this season, honestly.
*Colts-Jaguars (✅): Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom-val (Potentially soon to be followed by the surprise sequel... The Bridge on the River Philips?!?)
*Broncos-Raiders (✅): Funny as hell how this technically went down as yet another one-score win for Denver because of Vegas putting together a clutch garbage time drive to only lose by 7. (I know everyone's made their gambling jokes and theories about it, but I'll be all generous and say it's just fate ordaining that the 2025 Broncos must never win a football game by more than one score.)
*Bears-Packers (✅): Turns out no matter how promising Chicago is right now, it's still very apparent who owns who.
*Rams-Cardinals (✅): As easy a get-right game as you can find.
*Texans-Chiefs (✅): Damn. This may actually be it. The age of the Chiefs may have actually ended where it all started: with a dumbass 4th down call in a Texans game.
*Eagles-Chargers (✅): So uhhh clearly I used my whole Madden joke from the 49ers-Panthers game 2 Mondays ago way too early. Imagine that on a drug cocktail (or a sugar rush in the case of the little sibling). A true masterclass of football comedy where Monstropolis can barely come close to portraying its absurdity in full glory and there are no winners, only survivors. And it sure as shit isn't the team that had 2 of the combined 3 turnovers on a single goddamn play lmao
(More body bags!) 6th, 7th, 8th, and 9th teams voted out of the 2025 playoff race: Washington Commanders, Atlanta Falcons, New York Jets, and Cleveland Browns. The tribe has spoken.
[4 more playoff torches get snuffed a la Survivor]
Vikings, your torch remains alight for at least one more week.
2025 Week 14 Picks: 10/14, or 71.4%
2025 Picks so far (Weeks 1-14): 139.5/208, or 67.1%
SortaSports: SortaPicks 2025 NFL Week 14 Recap #nfl #nflpicks #nflrecap #picks #recap #week14 #nflweek14 #sortasports #sortapicks (btw I did the math and I believe I've already clinched getting at least over 50% of all regular season picks right, which is more than I can say for the Eagles rn lol)