Latest posts tagged with #lunchpun on Bluesky
Every time the #motd commentator says:
"Pedro Neto of #Chelsea is running down the wing, he's approaching their goalkeeper now"
I always think:
"I hope he can make a Kwik Save!" ⚽
#lunchpun #MatchOfTheDay
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Netto_UK
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kwik_Save
#LunchPun #sillysaturday Went to a new French restaurant last night and started with their ground, uncooked beef and a raw egg. I think it must have been off as it wasn’t long before I was in the toilet saying tartare to my food.
Seems you can no longer ask an assistant to help you compare cabinets in IKEA.
The manager reported both of us to the Magic Circle.
#LunchPun #Jokes
Upstart.
Noun: A rocket countdown.
#LunchPun
The next time a volcano erupts causing weeks of travel chaos, I want to see the words Eruptile Dysfunction in a headline.
#LunchPun
#LunchPun
Oh no Kermit has been killed crossing the road, gone but not frog hopping.
What noise does my dog make when it gets on a ship?
Umm, barks?
Oh ok, what noise does my dog make when it embarks on a ship?
#Lunchpun
I’m delighted to say that I’ve cloned myself and several lions. I’m beside myself with pride. #lunchpun
Wanted the Business Analyst job at work but the only one I could think of was Anna Wintour.
#LunchPun
#LunchPun My very strange mate makes bread near a concrete barrier that manages our local river’s water levels. Weir dough!
You only need a degree to be a
BA pilot, but a Masters to be a
builder or a carpenter!
#joke #funny #jokes #humour #LunchPun
What is the name of the late Scots actor who sounds like a cold insect on a handgun in the wet.
Raw Bee Colt Rain?.
Yes that’s him, thanks.
#LunchPun #Pun
This Gulf War 3 is going to affect #LunchPun most of mine come through the State of Humorous.
-A priest hit me with his thurible.
-Did that make you feel angry?
-Angry? I was incensed.
#LunchPun
The most popular president was John F Candy.
#LunchPun
After I finally admitted to standing on the tube of toothpaste, my wife said "Oh, it's all coming out now".
#Lunchpun
The optician said I was colour blind. Well that turned out to be a grey herring.
#LunchPun
Cigarette companies worry about falling sales, but there's still plenty in the coughers.
#LunchPun
(new joke book STILL available - see my pinned post)
I thought about setting up a spring water company, but I ended up bottling it.
#LunchPun
#LunchPun #badjokethursday My friend is an old BA pilot, who does guided tours and lectures at a Twinings factory. Their speciality product is harvested before first light to avoid night moisture settling on it. He then pushes a trolley around to sell Dew Free Tea.
Surprisingly, my mate's got a devout new girlfriend.
'You'll need Rosary beads and be off to Mass?'
'Nargh... got some anal beads left from the last
one!'
#LunchPun #joke #funny #jokes #humour
#LunchPun
The war between minor devils and fairies over mistakes in tempting humans needs to be settled.
It's an imp error tiff.
My mate, a well known actor, told me there is a convenient travelling show in town.
Handy Circus?.
That’s the guy, wasn’t he great as Gollum?. #LunchPun #Pun
#LunchPun
My favourite far east film? Fried Korean Tomatoes.
Excited to launch my Summer Nights Hot Springs and Health Spa Resort.
It's a Well-a Well-a Well-a Wellness Retreat.
#LunchPun #Jokes
Not saying my wife was naive, but she thought lesbians were french baths.
#LunchPun
My wife has told me I need to get fitter, so I've started secretly going up into the loft to lift a heavy trunk.
Attic box exercise?
No, I really mean it this time.
#Lunchpun
Viagra is men's preferred enhancement purchase of choice. Buy, enlarge.
#LunchPun
Jumping out and surprising my girlfriend was funny.
Doing it TWICE was a bit of a boo-boo.
#LunchPun
